For more than 10 years of working with children and their parents, I increasingly hear from women: I don’t like being a mother, or I don’t know how to play with a child, it tires me out, or the child has ruined my career.
In conversation with an endocrinologist and physiologist, at the same time, you can also hear confirmation that women's bodies are being restructured, and they begin to produce more and more male hormones.
Why is that?
From school years, women are prepared to be professionals – they are taught, graded, examined, interviewed, and decisions are made about whether they are suitable for a particular job or not, says Olga Anishchenkova .
In the end, all achievements – high grades, admission to college and graduation – are needed to build a career and earn money. As much money as possible! This is the so-called “male scenario”, but many modern women, especially in big cities, also adhere to it.
There is no place for many aspects of women's lives in this scenario, including motherhood.
Different scenarios arose due to different approaches to raising boys and girls. Once, several generations ago, this was justified and related to the specifics of labor, hard, physical, and hence the division of roles into male and female.
Plus, family roles were distributed differently. The man conquered the world, and the woman created conditions for him to come to his senses, take a break, relax, gain strength, and continue to conquer. Of course, caring for the children was also the woman's responsibility.
But today, when women have become equal to men in society, equal demands are made on them.
For example, a woman must be able to provide for herself. This is one of the reasons why the value of motherhood has decreased compared to the value of comfort.
Women want to follow the path that was previously considered masculine, but it is interesting that physiology is also adapting to the new strategy of female success.
In the process of consultations with mothers of young patients, almost all women say approximately the same thing: my life would be much more successful/interesting/fuller if it weren’t for the child.
Now – my life has stopped, and I feel unprotected." This means that the woman does not know how to be happy in the role of a mother, in the role of a professional – yes, a mother – no. The child subconsciously feels like a source of unhappiness for the mother.
It turns out that we have to make a choice:
- or develop a career but minimize motherhood,
- or take care of the child and accept a pause for the rest of your life.
But before making a final decision, it is worth answering yourself 3 questions:
The answer seems obvious – “to earn money.” But sometimes mothers run away to work from their new role.
Feeling like a machine servicing an unreasonable screaming little king plunges many women into despair. It seems that all days are alike - there is only a child, and the woman herself and her needs, desires, habits, friends, romance - all this is gone from life forever.
This perception of the situation can cause irritation, discontent and complaints. This happens because we were not taught to be mothers, that is, we will have to learn everything on the go, right now. And for this, we need to create new meanings: how to be happy that I am now a mother? It is important to realize that this is also a realization. Not only career achievements are an indicator of a realized person.
Development for a woman is not only the development of intellectual abilities.
The ability to love, to create happiness around oneself, the ability to empathize, to be sensitive, to understand others, to warm with one’s presence, to give strength and energy, to awaken the best – this is what a woman realizes when she becomes a mother.
And if we perceive this development as a path to happiness, realization, and the revelation of potential, then we can get out of the generally accepted scenario of achievement. It is important for a woman to listen to herself and find her own balance, her own model of happiness.
Mom is not a service staff, but a person who right now and every day lays the foundation for the future life of a little person.
How the mother perceives herself now, how she builds relationships with the child and what kind of atmosphere she creates completely determines how the child will perceive himself, what kind of world the child will see, what kind of background feelings he will experience and, in general, what kind of life he will live.
You are the most important thing he has, and it is in your hands how happy his life will be.
When the value of motherhood becomes higher in a woman’s inner space and this role is filled with meaning, that same maternal instinct will begin to “wake up” again and rebuild the body in a feminine way.
It was previously reported how a person's destiny is formed .
Expert: Olga Anischenkova
