Why Men Become Dependent on "Fatal" Women

People who experience strong emotions may find it difficult to simultaneously concentrate on solving pressing issues.

This contributes to a cognitive distortion in the assessment of reality.

Accordingly, the type of “fatal” woman with the meaning in the figure of speech – inevitable, inescapable, tragic – in terms of her own male fate, is determined, like many other things, subjectively.

For someone a woman can be "fatal", and at the same time she is "affectionate kitty" in certain situations and for another man. As they say, you can't command feelings.

It is curious that both cannot be "fatal" in a couple at the same time. Yes, and a man can be "fatal" for a particular woman in certain circumstances. This partly confirms the maxim that in a relationship "one loves, and the other only allows himself to be loved."

In its pure form, this does not happen, but typical elements of the situation are quite real.

And if a man does not want to “lose”, that is, to “suddenly” find himself in a situation of complex dependence, when his choice of behavioral reactions is dependent on a woman and limited, timely analysis and decisions are necessary, even very complex ones, but necessary ones – to leave such a wonderful type outside of your attention.

"Fate" is defined as a property of a narcissistic person with developed energy. The fact that a woman becomes "leading" in a paired relationship in this case should be perceived as a property in a situation of interaction of the characters of a man and a woman, says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .

As a result of the interaction, the character of the “follower” and his behavioral reactions are subject to external changes up to the cognitive deformation of the personality and mental structure – changes and distortions in the basic mental needs of the personality.

As is known, there are 12 such basic needs. If a man is generally satisfied with the "led" relationship, there are no problems. There are many couples in the world, seemingly incompatible and different in their characteristics, and yet interacting for a long time. Up until old age and the transition to another world "in one day".

It is possible and even necessary to determine the "fatal" influence in a relationship in advance of the tragic end of one of the partners. Of course, we do not mean a fatal end, but psychological discomfort from communication.

The most favorable relationships in a couple, and therefore stable and sustainable, when two people position themselves – the other as irreplaceable, will take place when both know how to give in and thus preserve the partner for the relationship. And in the end, all parties win. But… cases are different.

To identify the “fatal” nature of a relationship with a woman, it is necessary to analyze the woman’s personal qualities (characteristic) in conjunction with her history, and in this field to determine and suggest a social scenario for the “next step” and the relationship as a whole.

That is, to plan “tomorrow”, answering the question for yourself – is it necessary with a specific woman.

It is appropriate to determine this by attention to detail, by analyzing cyclically repeating psychological "games". Sometimes two people in a pair play "ping-pong" in relation to each other in the manner of a competition "who will win"; these relationships are initially destructive.

Several practical tactics can help.

Not involved

First, distance yourself as much as possible from taking her behavior and actions "personally." She may not be trying to insult or offend you, but you will perceive certain behavioral patterns as an "attack."

This is a mistake. The less you are personally involved in the situation, the easier it is to abstract yourself from emotions and fears and continue to reason rationally. That is, in a certain sense, "non-involvement" and indifference are needed.

Despite the fact that she does not stop trying to involve you: in the situation, in her problems, often manipulating you so that you feel guilty for her attitude towards you. For a “normal” person, abstracted from the situation, not involved, this is as clear as “two plus two equals four.”

But if you are "full of feelings" - woe only to you; she will make you a slave. The master of deduction, S. Holmes, expressed this well in A. K. Doyle: "Sir Henry's love harms only Sir Henry."

Therefore, when you do not feel reciprocity to the same extent as the feelings come from you - think about it and recheck your hypothesis regarding the femme fatale systematically. The answer will come by itself.

A reasonable provocation

The second important point (of the many ways to overcome destruction in personal relationships) concerns provocation. Clarify in a direct question her desires and goals. There are difficult cases when a femme fatale, using you, will not be frank, and jokes "guess yourself", "it all depends on you", etc.

These are already alarm bells, or in an even relationship in a couple, when both value each other, such behavior is extremely strange. Answer: "I'm not a psychic" or something similar, even if you understand everything - let her open up. This way you will not have a chance to make a mistake in the version and assess the situation objectively based on the facts.

A case from practice is quite typical. If you strive for an even relationship, are irreplaceable for each other and want to give the joy of life and feelings mutually, and not one-sidedly, any attempts at rapprochement will be accepted. To test this, offer her to improve contacts (involvement) with her social circle - friends, girlfriends, work sphere, hobbies - anything.

Invite her to be a guest in your company. Offer to go with her to an event where her typical social circle will be. If she values you, she will not refuse.

If she doesn't appreciate it, you'll hear something like "no, why, let's first get used to each other, you, me and my children." This is an alarming and defining moment. The same applies to her relatives.

Look at it from a third person perspective.

So it is appropriate to recognize her obvious shortcomings, invisible to the loving nature. The problem does not go away with age and experience, when high feelings take hold of a person - who has the right to judge?

In order to give yourself the trouble of thinking rationally, look at the problem and its actions "from the outside" - in the third person. Distancing includes a saving effect for you, while simultaneously eliminating drama in the end. And figure out the situation, give yourself advice as a friend. Try it, you will have no doubts.

Treat her actions with humor and sarcasm.

If a woman’s behavioral reactions contain elements of manipulation and/or it is extremely stupid to give in to the first desire and get excited; after all, that is exactly what she is trying to achieve – to take you out of your mental comfort zone.

To make you open up better and/or make mistakes, in particular to promise something for which you can later be reproached - another method of influence of the femme fatale.

Instead, respond with a joke, playfully, or as an independent person. Like "and in America, blacks were lynched for this." Any joke (on topic) and sarcasm will do, for example, "when I was your age, I wasn't so assertive" or "in my past life, when I was a woman, we weren't taught this." Defuse the situation in any way possible.

This is especially effective in remote communication - in SMS, in messengers, because in person - when you can touch and hug her, and hold her until she calms down - verbal and tactile practices work better. Of course, without violence.

Humor generally allows you to distance yourself from unnecessary emotions, even if you are provoked to them, therefore it provides the emotional release necessary in stressful conditions. So you can free yourself from the oppressive role of a victim in a timely manner - which is very important.

What to do

Overcome obstacles consistently, step by step - first of all, internal ones, laziness, fears, uncertainty. There is a wonderful rule in sports: if an athlete does not strive to jump 2.50 (meters), he will not reach 2.20.

By the way, doing sports, especially regular jogging, keeps the body in good shape and adds confidence. In general, try to identify destructive relationships in a timely manner and avoid femme fatales. We started with the fact that there are no such things in principle.

It is you and the circumstances that contribute to it becoming fatal for you. Now think calmly - why do you need this?

Summary. A man allows a woman to become fatal for him. Or he does not allow her, and remains interesting for her - not conquered, preserving himself.

Or the couple breaks up. Which again is not bad at all in such circumstances, when you have nothing in store for you except future drama.

Earlier we wrote about what you shouldn’t do in a relationship.