Lying has become a habit for a child, what to do? A question that worries many parents.
Very often adults do not understand how to deal with children's lies, and all measures of influence only worsen the situation.
The more parents punish their children for lying, the more the children lie. Clinical psychologist Tatyana Baranova explained how to break out of this vicious circle.
An expert explained how children develop the habit of telling lies and why lying often becomes the only way to protect themselves.
Why do children lie?
"None of us are born liars. Children are prone to fantasize, but lying as a skill emerges as a function of defense or circumvention of prohibitions."
In addition, the habit of telling lies in children may be associated with the behavior pattern adopted from their parents.
"Before you snap at your child and punish them for lying, it's worth understanding the reasons for this phenomenon. It's not without reason that children resort to pretense; there are serious reasons behind such behavior."
Responding to a child's lies with anger and shouting can only make the situation worse, but certainly not fix it. The first thing parents need to do is figure out what exactly motivates the child to distort the truth.
Children lie for various reasons. For example, they want to avoid punishment or get attention that they cannot get in any other way. In some cases, lying allows a child to protect themselves from negative consequences.
Defensive behavior
The main reason for lying is the fear of punishment or humiliation. But what exactly this fear covers up is something you will have to find out in the process of communication.
A child learns to lie when he notices that the feelings and actions of others can be influenced by words. This means that it is also possible to achieve what you want or escape from trouble with the help of words and distortion of facts.
Create an environment that encourages honesty
Does a child lie simply because he or she is afraid of punishment? By understanding this connection, parents should work on establishing trusting relationships with their children, as well as on rethinking their own reactions to events.
"A child spilled tea and stained the tablecloth - if the expected reaction of an adult is anger and irritation, he will lie. But if in such situations an adult reacts calmly, and his actions are aimed at finding a solution, it will be easy for the child to admit his wrongdoing."
It is important to establish relationships in which children feel comfortable and safe sharing their thoughts and feelings without fear of punishment. This will require adults to be understanding, explain the importance of honesty and the consequences of lying, and replace habitual negative reactions with positive ones.
Example of parents
The second important reason for a child's habit of telling lies is rooted in the behavioral stereotype that is accepted in the family. Mom says on the phone that she is going out, and the child sees her in her home clothes.
If a similar situation is repeated over and over again, the child learns the “rules of the game,” accepting such behavior as the norm and a convenient way to avoid responsibilities.
Another technique is connected with the desire to get attention and praise. For example, a father brags to his friends about yesterday's catch: "I caught a pike weighing about five kilograms" and gets an enthusiastic response. Although he came home empty-handed.
The child quickly understands what is what, and the habit of embellishing events (both positive and negative) in order to feel approval or sympathy becomes a common behavior pattern.
In both the first and second situations, it is important for adults to discuss the incident and tell the reasons why he acted this way. The same thing should be done if you caught the child in a lie: find the desire that he satisfied with a lie in order to understand his motivation and react accordingly. The ability to communicate openly and honestly will again become your faithful assistant when communicating with the child.
“If a child does lie, you shouldn’t punish him harshly, but you should definitely pay attention to this important, not a little bell, but a bell.”
Parental care is not limited to satisfying the basic needs of children. Feeding, clothing and shoeing is, of course, important, but it is no less important to teach the child the ability to communicate and express their desires and feelings directly. After all, he can only learn this valuable experience from the adults who surround him and care for him.
Previously, it was reported what divorced women regret.
Expert: Tatyana Baranova
