A person is an emotional being, and for fruitful cooperation it is very important, even if it sounds irrational, to be “on the same wavelength” with him, to move in the same rhythm with understanding.
There are open natures, conditionally “straightforward”, their behavior is quite predictable for others - which is both beneficial and harmful for a particular individual.
And there are others, seemingly friendly and intelligent uncles and aunts, who know how to turn on the “toughness”; such a person will listen to everyone, but will draw conclusions himself, says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .
Pride and strong character are often discussed in society as phenomena that are dishonorable, excessive, and generally harmful to the person himself, his social communication, rewarding them with controversial terms and labels such as “arrogant,” “difficult,” “self-important,” and similar in meaning.
But there is also something common that determines a person's dignity, felt as strength by him. These are victories over oneself.
It is not uncommon to hear stories of a seemingly frail person showing miracles of fortitude and courage or overcoming circumstances. When a weak person, seemingly without any visible reasons or resources, shows willpower in the face of dangerous circumstances, physically more perfect or influential people.
For example, like the outstanding psychologist Viktor Frankl in a concentration camp or the captured partisan heroes of all times.
A person can be proud of a victory over himself. But the matter is in the level or properties of "victories". In the old Soviet film "Alyosha Ptitsyn develops character" (directed by Anatoly Granik, 1953), in particular, examples are shown how to fight laziness and disorganization, dependence on desires and, in part, harmful habits.
But victories at the boyish level are not the same as those of an adult "daddy". It is not easy to force yourself, without having the habit, to get up early in the morning and douse yourself with cold water for the benefit of health or to do something when "you really don't want to".
It is possible to step over oneself even in quite trivial circumstances. For example, a person is offended by something and wants to take revenge. It would seem that he has a subjectively perceived right, power and opportunity to carry out his plans. But he does not do this even at the cost of suffering under the influence of emotions raging inside, not visible from the outside.
The essence of personal growth
The essence of personal growth is in overcoming oneself, and consists of dignity and tolerance of the shortcomings of others, not in the desire to respond "here and now", but in understanding one's own imperfection. No one has the right to judge anyone.
It is impossible to endure - a diary will help, a forgotten but effective form on the path to emotional harmony. Formalize your impressions in the epistolary genre, but it is not necessary (optional) to send them for the information of the opponent. In this way, you will express your impressions, emotional reactions and begin to live peacefully.
If one manages to overcome oneself, a person remembers the useful experience and will improve in a specific direction in the future. This is how inner strength arises. A person feels it as a difference from other, less fundamental desires.
One of the suitable examples of self-education through overcoming circumstances is sports achievements through systematic training. Physical perfection is important, it is only the visible part. The inner work is much more interesting. That is why people and circumstances manifest themselves in different ways: someone with a reputation of being marginal or "unworthy" is capable of "an act", while someone who is shining and seemingly has "everything" is capable of meanness.
Thus, monks who have reached a certain level of "enlightenment" humble their pride and flesh (carnal desires); they do not do this for show - they cultivate patience and humility. And no one will double-check the facts, the main thing is their own consciousness of action or inaction. This is the manifestation of conscience.
Timeliness of choice
The timeliness of choice has great, sometimes dramatic, significance in the life of every person.
It is advisable to show a strong character in time, otherwise what are the regrets worth in the manner of: "it is not us who are like this - life is like this" or "no, I am not bad, they just did not create the right conditions for me". In order to show the best qualities, including restraining yourself and your pride in time, you need to be ready (prepared) for this.
With the past, which has already happened, the assessments are more or less obvious: firstly, what is done is done, not everything can be changed, although much; and secondly, the conditions familiar to a person have an influence. The entire past is lived, familiar, "predictable", even native.
Stability, confidence and lack of effort to perfection or overcome difficulties. Even if it was bad and difficult, at least it was already familiar, almost safe. One word - "past". But it is also the absence of change.
Choice is always more difficult. Even between two paths: theory and practice, a well-studied road and an alluring path through conventional thorns. Most reasonable people do not consider it necessary to choose the difficult path, they do not see the point in it.
Most people expect fast and safe results, “here and now”; this is also a significant mistake. Any human path is difficult. However, it is important to understand that the familiar path of stagnation and retrograde leads back, while “thorns” point the way forward and to perfection, even through mistakes.
Therefore, a person makes decisions "today", here and now. They begin to be realized at that very moment. At this starting point is the freedom to choose a strong decision, a strong character. But the work of diligent and systematic self-improvement is worth it.
Conditions for victory over oneself
Another significant factor is the conditions under which the victory over oneself occurred.
In the Orthodox practice and traditionally used for the Russian army, the “Prayer to the Lord God during the battle against the adversaries who are against us” (enemies against) contains the following words:
“…let not our enemies say: God has forsaken them and there is no one to deliver or save them… but let all the nations see…”
This is also an illustrative example. Valor is valuable when it is shown not when under pressure from enemies, people or circumstances one is forced to do certain things, but rather by one's own free will in a situation where there is no critical danger to oneself. Such victories are often called deserved.
Some conclusions
The above resonates with the predestination of man, and someone has the right to note that there is “nothing special” in such dignity. Everything depends on providence, otherworldly forces that govern the Universe, supposedly not a single hair will fall from a person’s head without a higher will, and as a result, a person who has “conquered himself” has nothing to be proud of.
To be proud is generally a controversial and debatable concept. In this case, it is important how often or systematically a specific person has the experience of growing above themselves, how systematically they demonstrate their best qualities.
If this is a “system,” and no one sees it externally, a modest person does not boast about his virtues (and if he did, who would believe him?), then it is appropriate to think not only about predestination from above, but also about some, albeit realized through the efforts of spiritual growth.
This is how real changes, improvement and education of oneself (which is very difficult for a person) and not of another (which is relatively simple) occur.
People with dignity or who do not react to attacks directed against them are not weak at all, rather the opposite - they know their own worth, and the experience of physical or moral suffering is memorable for them.
Properties or background of another's actions that are not visible to society or a specific person often surprise as incomprehensible. Seemingly without reason. But this does not mean that there is no "invisible".
Taking into account the above and other individual circumstances, one can rejoice in one's victories without belittling others.
A person's personal and spiritual growth is determined not by the amount of real estate or savings, the presence of a host of high-status friends or career heights, but by overcoming oneself, harmful or base desires, which a person ultimately does not realize.
Or, on the contrary, he makes high moral decisions at the risk of his life, health, assets, reputation - despite the strong influence of circumstances.
Expert: Andrey Kashkarov
