Every person has their own shortcomings, you have to come to terms with them.
But there are weaknesses that really hinder a person from living, developing, building a career and personal life.
And they all come to us from childhood, with the mistakes of upbringing that our parents made.
Of course, ideal mom and dad are a fairy tale. But it is in your power to avoid the most serious mistakes that will cause great harm later. There are only two of them.
The desire to do everything for the child
Many parents try not to let their child do housework, look after themselves, clean up. There are two motivations for such behavior.
The first comes from the idea that you can’t burden your little one, because it’s hard for him, he’s still small, he needs to study, etc. Mothers and especially grandmothers have 100 reasons to do any task for their child.
The second assumes that their child will do it badly anyway, they will have to redo it. Why even start? And if the children of such parents try to do something themselves, they are always redone, often scolded for how badly the work was done.
What's bad?
The first approach will raise a lazy person who is used to living "on the ready". Such a person will not want to work hard, because it is hard and not interesting.
Doing housework is also because I am not used to it. Re-education by life will prove difficult and complicated, and often impossible.
The worst-case scenario is the transfer of the same pattern to adulthood, when the man becomes a gigolo, and the girl finds a rich man who agrees to support her.
The second approach will form perfectionism, which will then result in one of two behavior patterns:
Refusing to work at all. Perfectionism assumes that everything must be done perfectly, but if the work cannot be done perfectly, why even try? People of this type plan to perfection, start a business and quit at the first failure.
Meticulous attention to detail. In an effort to do better, a teenager, and then an adult, begins to redo a seemingly good job over and over again. As a result, he stops in one place, without moving forward.
How to fight
Set a range of responsibilities for your child that he or she must perform. Stick to them strictly. Don't redo after your child and don't scold if something doesn't turn out perfectly. But ask to finish if you see that your child is blatantly slacking off. You need to stick to the middle position: enough should be done for the result to be noticeable.
The desire to decide everything for the child
Most parents believe that they know much better what their child needs. That's why they decide everything for them. Not only are their children's opinions not taken into account, they're not even asked. The child is simply presented with a fait accompli: it will be this way and no other. Such decisions concern everything from what to wear to kindergarten or school to how to celebrate a birthday.
What's bad?
A child who has not made decisions about his life grows up to be an unmotivated adult, unable to manage his life. Most often, he ends up in a relationship with an equally authoritarian partner and lives until death by someone else's orders.
How to fight
Make your child make decisions. Let them be small ones at first, but they are also important. Where to put a toy, what T-shirt to wear, what to eat for breakfast, what game to play - all these small decisions help to form the skill of decision-making in general.
If it is important to you that your child chooses something specific, for example, acceptable clothes for kindergarten, prepare two or three suitable options in advance and let your child make the choice on his own.
Another option for teaching independence is fashion games or any other games where you need to make a choice.
In "dress up" games, you discuss with your child what costume would suit the heroine best, and choose clothes together. Although this seems silly, it actually has a positive effect on the overall ability to make choices.
Once you have discussed everything in the game, you can transfer this same knowledge into reality, asking your child to decide for himself what costume he will wear to a party or to another place.
These two mistakes that parents make can have a very negative impact on the future of their children.
Therefore, it is extremely important to monitor such situations and give your child enough freedom and responsibility. Moreover, you will soon understand that your child copes with his responsibilities quite well and you will be very proud of him.
