Living under the same roof with the parents of a wife or husband is more like a personal growth training and a test of relationships both within the young couple themselves and between the older and younger generations.
The second spouse thinks about problems and inconveniences, because it is he or, more often, she who must completely change the entire way of life, adapt to the rules of the new family or try to change someone else's “charter” in the house, says psychologist and candidate of philosophical sciences Oleg Gadetsky .
Good morning
It all starts from the moment you wake up. Everyone has their own rhythm and daily routine. Young people can sit until late: work, meeting deadlines, or, on the contrary, try to spend at least an hour alone at home.
Accordingly, it is more difficult for them to get up in the morning. The older generation, as a rule, gets up at 5-6 am, but also does not mind taking a break during the day and sleeping for a couple of hours.
The generation under 30 rarely takes advantage of this opportunity. And here, complaints from parents about the laziness and idleness of the young daughter-in-law or son-in-law may appear. Over time, the reproaches will only increase.
The housewife should be alone in the kitchen
Domestic issues are rarely resolved peacefully. Try stacking plates from left to right in a house where they have always been stacked from right to left – a scandal is inevitable. Of course, not right away.
Sugar moved to the wrong place, the wrong washing powder bought, bread sliced ugly, and salad dressed with the wrong dressing.
People on whose territory the young people live perceive all these little things as a personal insult or an unwillingness to learn from them the wisdom of centuries.
Even separate basins for dirty laundry can cause quarrels. There is no place for fighting here. Either you should adapt or talk and be open to unpleasant dialogue.
If you are forced to live temporarily under the same roof, you should show flexibility and gratitude: ask to share the “secret” of making a signature soup, and introduce innovations carefully.
You can't force someone to be nice
It is worth clearly understanding that even if you are an ideal housewife or son-in-law, the nagging can be endless.
Sometimes a family turns into people living together in the same space: you have separate menus, everyone buys individual fruits for their other half, and also clearly divide household expenses.
Calculations of who spent how much come to the fore, and questions of love, harmony and mutual support are not discussed at all. People become strangers to each other.
A bad peace is better than a good quarrel
Omissions, mutual claims, irritation accumulate like a snowball. You shouldn't wait until this avalanche of anger destroys the relationship with your parents or your spouse's parents.
Try to gently defend your boundaries. But it is worth remembering: even if unspoken, but in the case when young people live on their parents' territory, the owners will be the main ones in the house. You are perceived as children who are not able to provide themselves with a separate area, hence the corresponding attitude.
If the situation is the opposite, the parents live with their children, but continue to escalate the situation, it is worth stopping conflicts in time and contacting a specialist for support in especially difficult cases.
A universal way to solve problems
He is always alone. Use any opportunity to show respect, gratitude and admiration. You know that illness can be prevented in two ways. The first is to fight it when it has already arisen and taken hold in your body. In this case, you will face a long and painful recovery process. In addition, it does not guarantee that after some time you will not get sick again.
The second way is to strengthen health, that is, to raise immunity. If you consciously and regularly work in this direction, you will not get sick at all, or the disease will pass in a mild form. Therefore, it is much better to focus on the second model than to suffer and torment yourself endlessly, enduring the inconveniences of the first.
How to practically implement the second approach? To do this, manifest the energies of gratitude, respect and admiration on three levels: thoughts, speech and actions.
So, say words of respect, gratitude and admiration. Think about the best qualities of your parents and stop focusing on their shortcomings. And do the appropriate actions in which you can practically demonstrate all the qualities listed above. And one more secret: give gifts! A gift is the best way to win the trust of another person!
Previously we wrote about how to get rid of anxious attachment style .
Expert: Oleg Gadetsky
