Unfortunately, many parents don’t even think about the consequences of their harsh words.
In most cases, they consider themselves right and ideal: they raise their children strictly, do not allow many things, and criticize the child so that he does not become arrogant and spoiled.
The result is the opposite: something insecure and downtrodden grows up.
And even weakly resembling a full-fledged person. Because mom and dad ruined this unfortunate person's self-esteem, lowering it below the baseboard.
What parental phrases are the most toxic?
"Everyone has normal children, but not me!"
This is a more vicious version of the classic comparison in the spirit of "but Vasya got only A's in the quarter". Here, Vasya, Petya, Tanya and others are not mentioned. There is a generalization: any child seems good compared to his own.
It is clear that if the poor child hears something like this every day, then there is no talk of adequate self-esteem. Where will it come from if others are always better and more successful?
"We were all excellent students, who are you like?"
There is a clear opposition of one to the majority. Yes, perhaps everyone in the family really did well in school or did well in math. But are grades the most important thing?
As life shows, this is not true at all. Many poor students make it through and start earning good money, while excellent students live in poverty.
Not to mention the fact that the child is told to his face that he is insignificant compared to his parents, grandparents.
"What a wretched thing you are!"
There is no point in commenting here: everything is clear anyway. Depending on the situation, there are other variations: "stupid", "dumb", "ugly", "fat", "skinny". Such words can ruin even an adult's self-esteem, let alone a child's.
"You won't achieve anything anyway!" Or, alternatively: "You'll end up as a janitor!"
It turns out that parents initially devalue all the efforts of their offspring, instilling in them the obligation to be content with little.
Some back up their words with actions: they take away documents from school after finishing the 9th grade, claiming that a poor student has no place in the 10th. Or after receiving a full certificate, they forbid them from going to school and force them to work.
"There is nothing of yours here!"
The most toxic of phrases: adults emphasize the already dependent position of a minor.
He depends on his elders and cannot make many decisions on his own, but they rub his nose in it, saying that things were bought with his parents’ money, and the room doesn’t belong to him either.
Particularly "smart" parents take away good clothes from their children as punishment, forcing them to walk around in rags until they apologize. And they consider themselves ideal educators, teaching them to value every penny they earn.
From the above it is clear that a father and mother can quite deliberately ruin the psyche of their own child.
What are their goals - this is, of course, an interesting question. But when it comes to toxic people, then, as a rule, there is one answer - self-affirmation, energy vampirism. These are damaged and unhappy people.
Previously, we talked about how to stop taking everything to heart .
