Conflict does not always lead to a breakdown in relations.
But the accumulation of mutual claims and constant quarrels “poison” love.
In the heat of the moment, you can say too much to each other. And even after the conflict is resolved, an unpleasant aftertaste may remain.
According to New York psychotherapist Margaret Paul, in order to get out of a quarrel without resentment, but with useful experience, it is enough to follow 6 tips.
Take a break
In the midst of a quarrel, the partners' emotions are at their peak. At such moments, it is better to take a time-out. Take a deep breath and exhale, try to calm down in order to look at the situation soberly. The purpose of the break is to reduce the level of stress hormones in the blood to clear the mind.
Agree with your partner in advance that you are not leaving them, but taking a break. And when the emotions subside, discuss the situation. No one is perfect, but you are one team. You can agree on a phrase for a pause, the duration of the break.
Look at your partner's mood before you start a conversation.
Before resuming the conversation, ask your partner if he or she is ready to discuss the situation.
If you receive a calm response, it means that the emotions have stabilized and you can discuss the subject of the quarrel. But if not, give a little more time before returning to the conversation.
Explain the reason for dissatisfaction
When the conversation is calm, try to explain to your partner what caused the complaints. Avoid reproaches and labels.
Describe the situation from your side, tell us what you felt. Sometimes the cause of conflict is a different perception of things.
With this approach, you express your point of view, rather than evaluating your partner's behavior. Then he doesn't have to defend himself in response, he gets the opportunity to see the situation through your "eyes."
Listen to your partner
After explaining the reasons for the emotional reaction, ask your partner what he or she thinks about it.
It is important not only to speak out yourself, but also to listen. Such communication brings people closer together.
Respect his/her opinion
The purpose of discussing a conflict is the desire to understand the partner's behavior and draw conclusions. During a quarrel, under the influence of emotions, we are more egoists.
We shout, we don’t give our partner a chance to speak out, we prove that we are right. And sometimes, on the contrary, because of the fear of losing, we agree with the opinion of the chosen one, even if he is wrong.
A productive way out of a conflict situation involves open communication. As a result, partners share their opinions and understand each other better.
Don't accumulate problems
It is not recommended to put off solving problems for later in order to end the quarrel as soon as possible.
Portraying a harmonious couple who have no disagreements or quarrels is obviously the wrong decision. The unspoken accumulates.
Over time, you have to think about every word to avoid quarrels. You should not try to manage conflicts, but learn to interact competently in quarrels.
This means listening to your partner's opinion, even if it's unpleasant for you, and being able to apologize. These skills can keep a relationship strong, but they require patience and courage.
Why conflict situations are dangerous
The danger lies in the destruction of a person morally and physically. If the quarrel is protracted, the neuropsychic state may worsen.
Under the influence of strong emotional stress, you can say unnecessary things and do things you will regret.
The person constantly returns mentally to the conflict situation.
He thinks about what he could change. And these difficult experiences take a lot of energy that could be directed in another direction.
Prevention of conflict situations
To prevent quarrels, it is recommended:
1. Take a rest.
2. Get positive emotions.
3. Find your resource to relieve emotional stress.
4. Consult a psychotherapist.
Choose any of the listed methods. It is important to remember that the skill of competently resolving disagreements is personal development.
