One lady, let's not point a finger at her, interested in the same question in particular, visited a "men's" site and wrote her impressions (which received wide emotional discussion in women's society, but essentially did not change anything): "my hair stood on end from the advice to each other on how to choose wives.
There are 12 main rules for choosing the right wife, namely:
1. Must be young.
2. Her family must be complete, with her biological mother and father.
3. The concept of "divorce" should not exist for her.
4. You should naturally have the figure you like.
5. She must take care of herself.
6. She should think about her family, not her career.
7. She must be "good". No drinking, no smoking, no partying, no dating before you.
8. She must not be against the marriage contract.
9. She should adapt to you.
10. She should admire and respect you.
11. She should not have children.
12. She should be smiling."
These far from perfect positions were not formulated by us, however, they are typical. We will not evaluate them. Another thing is important. In the end, whether the woman understood men's prerogatives is unclear, most likely - no, but she got excited and began to criticize without understanding. Nevertheless, each of the given positions can be argued, and a man is quite capable of this.
This is the first mistake – not to understand, but to criticize from the position of one’s own imperfect experience or typical expectations, says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .
Role Positioning Mistakes
The first thing you need to do in order to “make a man fall in love with you” is to turn, preferably calmly and not without agitation, to typical male desires.
For as long as we are angry or deny reality, at least the illusion of control is maintained. But as research by psychologists has shown, although the experience is subjectively unpleasant, it serves important functions: it encourages us to slow down, and restrains us from impulsive actions.
It is necessary in order to soberly comprehend the situation, build realistic prospects, build new relationships with new people and a new reality.
There are unique types among men. But a man perceives this as the norm, like a properly functioning heart, without noticing. A woman perceives valuable male qualities or the prerogatives of choosing a partner differently - in accordance with her system of values and (or) expectations from a partner.
This is conditionally the second mistake when wanting to "make someone fall in love with you." It is completely clear that a woman will not advertise that she "wants" to fall in love, but subconsciously she does want to, when a potential partner seems interesting and promising for her to communicate with.
Mistakes in defining a potential partner or situation happen to everyone, the main thing is to get out of this “vicious” circle and finally start thinking more objectively and realistically. For if a system of values has been formed in the male world (repeatedly supported by men of different status and experience), when performing the task of “making someone fall in love”, it is advisable to pay close attention to such prerogatives, and not ignore them. For when you go fishing, you take the bait that the fish needs, not the fisherman.
The third mistake is to believe that a man has an advantage in that he is completely devoid of shame in front of a woman, including for his subsequent actions.
What is a man's strength?
A man's strength is not so much in "stamina", in enduring physical or "emotional" pain, holding back tears and/or emotions, or lifting a refrigerator up the stairs to the fifth floor. His strength, first of all, is in understanding a woman as an emotional being with her conditional weaknesses.
Therefore, “knowledge is power”, therefore he “does not give in” or “like a blockhead, he does not hear me, does not understand hints”. Yes, he understands everything or a lot… Another thing is that not all “hints” are to his liking, and he has the right to his position and reactions.
In the modern world, an unsightly situation has developed in many ways, where men have somehow studied much more typical behavioral patterns - women's reactions, including to provocations and irritants, and are conditionally prepared for them. On the other hand, women to the same extent (typically) do not know men, and consider such knowledge unnecessary; believing that "I know how to control him."
A strong quality of a typical man can be called the absence of shame for actions - in front of a woman. In order for shame to arise - a quality sometimes valuable in human relations regardless of gender - it is necessary for the woman to be authoritative, and he, the man, to be dependent on her.
Yes, the absence of shame or the corresponding style of behavior in one's role and in the canvas of the value system is a colossal power. It is underestimated. This is obvious.
The analogue of male power is that he remains conditionally independent and does not perceive the "legends" about - "well, you are a man" or similar; women have learned two or three similar phrases, but did not go further in their knowledge. Why should a man perceive such "Albanian questions", perfectly understanding their element of manipulation and understanding women's aspirations?
Problems of unnecessary criticism
And with experience comes: the same man - no matter how you criticize him, for one woman at a certain time he can be "bad" (unpleasant, unbearable), and for another - he cannot be better. Therefore, criticism from the side of resentment or dissatisfaction with one's own expectations is almost useless.
Mistake number four is an attempt to judge. People have no tools to determine whether other people are good or bad, except for the features that each person evaluates subjectively, sometimes erroneously. One person - regardless of gender - is good at one time, but not perfect at another.
Hence the growing number of divorces, and the lack of personal happiness, and therefore the incessant search for it. You can't put a thermometer and say: she or he has such and such a good or bad quality. In another situation and with another woman, these qualities change.
Therefore, criticism - without substantial grounds - is empty. If we understand the maxim "for each his path is straight", supported by the experience of interaction in society, then the relationships between potential partners can be qualitatively better.
The only danger for a woman is that a specific man, in accordance with his character, experience (habits of solving problems in accordance with the experience of overcoming similar situations) can show himself in relation to her from an unpleasant side. But the same applies to the actions of women in relation to men. There are no ideal people.
Some conclusions
Hence the conclusion. When getting to know your man, this is done only with non-nominal attentiveness to him, it is advisable to avoid critical situations in which he will not show himself in accordance with the woman's expectations. That is, do not provoke or, as the wise said, "do not breed entities without necessity."
It is a common misconception: here is a great "specimen" for me, and here, on the contrary, is a strange (rude, inconsiderate, greedy, pathetic, ungrateful, unworthy - fill in the blanks) type.
Strange is a conditional characteristic – from a lack of understanding and, worst of all, from an unwillingness to understand the natural male role and the system of values of a man, in which a woman is not always “on a pedestal”. A woman typically and logically rejects such types – there are better ones, she believes.
However, both examples are closely connected by a single male nature and a man's expectations of a woman. As we showed at the beginning, there can be many of these, and well-founded, expectations. Moreover, the chosen "best type" often turns out to be conditionally worse than the previous one over time...
The point is not that men's examples directly relate to their behavior towards women in general, but that they have the same concept.
A woman's wisdom can be demonstrated in understanding these features. Therefore, "to make a man fall in love with you," you need to be interested in their typical value system, and strive for understanding not through "convenient" recommendations from "outstanding" psychologists, not from divorced mothers or divorced girlfriends, typical competitors for women's happiness, but through advice from the men themselves.
It is appropriate to add another remark: psychologists (experts) give only general recommendations. And under each - their own experience, a substantiated position. It is completely clear to professionals that in different relationships different methods may be suitable, without generalization.
For example, it sounds typically feminine: "Every person has their own priorities, and if a woman with her desires does not fit into these priorities, you can safely end the relationship." Yes, let's say you can end it, and do end it (many around), but imagine - suddenly if a man approaches a relationship with a woman from the same position - the desire of priority (and what is meant by the word "priorities" ... because both role types are worth each other); the result is a lot of experiments, relationships, and no long-lasting happiness.
Everything is very conditional. But the average person often perceives what is written or said as a recommendation for action. Attentiveness should be first and foremost, and not weighing "priorities" - how much I gave (or am giving), and how much I was not given...
Expert: Andrey Kashkarov
