A human being is such a complex mammal (creature) that any radical or specific means of understanding behavioral reactions, and especially suggestions, advice and recommendations on how to communicate between people, achieving only a positive and joyful result, are simplified, limited and, in general, conditional.
This is what the concept of psychological compatibility says: even if a person's type and characteristic features are defined more or less accurately, he is still completely unpredictable - he changes his behavior depending on time, situation and mood. The modern idea of corporate communication is formed by the "economy" of events.
Many people perceive life as a series of short-term projects from which it is desirable to quickly benefit and move on to the next one.
In essence, people, both in everyday life, in personal relationships, and in society or at work, always do the same thing – fight with each other, says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .
The same features and tendencies accompany communication in official conditions – at work. The most typical situation in work collectives is “we are friends against…” (insert name). And the intrigue is that the choice of the “object” can change over time. If you look “deeply”, there are no toxic collectives or toxic employees (managers) – these are evaluative concepts; but there is a set of qualities of specific people who enter into confrontation with the “worldview” of another employee. All because an unprocessed gestalt is like a “thorn” that shapes the character of a specific person, otherwise there would be no corresponding direction in psychology.
Control your reactions
The struggle for benefits, influence, and even for seeming superiority ("do as I say") over others is typical and inherent to people. An emotional product of nature - a person - lives by emotions; cannot live without them. This adds "experiences", and even in special conditions leads to wars and political cataclysms. And the point is not that "you were not understood". The point is that they should not be understood.
By and large, you yourself, when a compromise is not beneficial to you, do the same. Hence, an intermediate conclusion is appropriate: being nervous is normal, because you can’t do without worries. But for a more harmonious life, it is desirable to control situations. For this, we will give several - out of many - ways.
Don't be silent and overcome pauses
During omissions and pauses, communication restrictions or forced "ignores", the work of your opponents' thoughts - in an attempt to understand the situation and emerge victorious (with the least losses) - intensifies. "Silence" in such a situation is clearly perceived as weakness. By the way, the same thing works in the global field, when significant groups of people "compete", pouring out dirt on each other in order to devalue a conditional competitor.
In a difficult situation, when you see the "first signs" of a cooling of attitude towards you on the part of team members, find the time and a way to explain your position as precisely as possible - preferably to everyone at once; hold some kind of press conference (which can be done at the end of a typical planning meeting or meeting, asking for attention) with a mandatory conclusion on the situation, proposals, a communique. This rule helps even in children's (school) chats, conceived as discussions with a clear focus against someone.
In personal relationships or in a local conflict between two employees, when each does not know, and most importantly - does not want to show "weakness" first, the method of "small steps" is appropriate, start with a daily sincere greeting, and move on to topics of interest to the opponent. The most desirable (provided there is sincere interest) is a conversation about him. Admiration, a desire to share experience, clarification - in a positive way. It looks like this: "I also had this, I'll tell you now." Everyone loves this.
Show interest
Everyone wants to be friends with a cheerful and happy person. Firstly, he is less frightening to others, since he is relatively predictable. Secondly, it is interesting to be with him – as an “accumulator” of energy and curious, funny stories. Thirdly, communicating with such an employee, others feel better, because they have the opportunity to also sincerely open up, telling their stories, increase their education, expand their horizons. This is interesting to everyone.
Choose a "place"
Therefore, in order not to be or seem "toxic", actively take an interest in other people in the same team. Engage in discussions, look into their eyes and show your attitude - smile, know how to make a timely joke. Someone who is interested in many things and can talk about them with enthusiasm will not become a boring person. It would seem simple. But no. For some it is very difficult, because otherwise there would not be a typical problem in work teams, affecting the overall final performance and KPI.
At risk are "true", stable introverts of the melancholic type (according to Eysenck's theory). People for whom a team is contraindicated, they need an individual area of work and the same responsibility. If the team leader lacks the intelligence and knowledge to understand this, then you yourself are not deprived of the opportunity to offer ideas and argue them. There are many examples of this among writers: A. I. Kuprin went to pubs not to get drunk, but wrote down stories and ideas; this is how the story "Garnet Bracelet" was born. One of the "writer" heroes did approximately the same thing in the Swedish detective novel "Police, Police, Mashed Potatoes".
Creating a support group
Sincerely demonstrate to your colleague his importance and irreplaceable competence in the team (and in general). Emphasize it in every possible way, even while belittling your own importance. Play if you can. But subtly. So even in a difficult situation - when everyone is against you - you will find one, and then several people who will take your side, passively or actively defend you in behind-the-scenes discussions.
Switching attention
When the support group is created, you have clearly defined your position or opinion in the team, that is, explained your behavior in an accessible way, proceed to switch attention from yourself to another employee. The method is not perfect, because you "feel sorry" for the other. However, in a situation of no choice, you can think through this option of redirecting criticism and "contempt".
With these simple methods you can preserve or at least prevent the destruction of your emotional harmony, mood. That is, protect yourself in a negatively-minded team.
Earlier we wrote about how gossip ruins lives .
Expert: Andrey Kashkarov
