In the life of a married couple, crises occur throughout their family life.
In the psychology of family relations, several "crisis phases" are distinguished. Is it possible to avoid difficult stages? And what to do if they appear?
Real experience proves that crises cannot be avoided, with rare exceptions. But there is no need to avoid them.
Having experienced difficulties, the couple rises to a new level in the relationship and as a bonus receives new experience and knowledge. Every crisis is a kind of test of the relationship, after which the two become even closer. And if the spouses want to stay together and be happy, everything is in their hands.
First year
The first year of married life is the most significant period of marriage, when lovers learn to live in the everyday routine. Partners get to know each other anew. The process of adaptation is underway: spouses get used to each other, adjust to each other's habits.
During the first year, family rules are formed and roles are redistributed between spouses.
Issues related to budget, cooking, cleaning, rest and many others are resolved.
Romance during this period of the first months of family life still occupies an honorable first place, but it is of a contradictory nature.
Spouses often remain silent and do not voice their complaints about some bad habits, fearing to offend their beloved.
For example, a husband throws his clothes around like a teenager, and his wife silently collects them and puts them in the closet. But it won't be possible to tolerate and indulge for long.
At first, the romanticism in the relationship restrains the urge to show discontent, but indignation and resentment will accumulate and immediately burst into thunder at the first crisis.
An important parting word on the threshold of family life together is frank conversations with each other. Share not only what brings you joy. Boldly talk about what you don’t like, what makes you nervous and doesn’t allow you to live comfortably. Discuss every little thing.
If you accumulate negativity for a long time and then decide that it’s time to throw it all out on your spouse, there is a possibility of misunderstanding on his part: after all, everything was wonderful up until this point, what suddenly happened?
Birth of the first child
The birth of a child brings great happiness to the family, and after joy come difficulties.
A baby significantly changes the usual way of life: the daily routine changes, there is much less time for oneself, there is no longer an opportunity to pay enough attention to each other. Now the spouses are not just husband and wife, but also parents, and this is a more complex role.
If the couple did not have the opportunity to live alone with each other before the birth of the baby, then overcoming the crisis will be much more difficult.
We will have to learn to live together, arrange our daily life, and develop rules in sync, while taking care of the baby.
The best thing you can do in this situation is to never forget your original roles. First of all, you are a husband and wife, and only then - parents.
Your relationship should be based on mutual support and help. Keep in mind that the difficulties of having a newborn in the house will soon dissipate and be forgotten.
But all your words or lack thereof, deeds or lack thereof, will significantly affect the further development of your relationship.
Seven to nine years
The family structure is formed, the children have grown up. A stable balance has been established.
Stability is good. But it is a relaxing factor for relationships. The feeling that you know and understand your spouse like the back of your hand deprives you of the desire to be as attentive and caring with your loved one as you once were.
If you drag out this moment in the relationship, without adding something new, fresh, then you can slowly but surely build a wall of indifference and misunderstanding between you. And one day, looking at your loved one, you will not recognize your loved one in him.
If this stage coincides with sending children to school, the couple will have an even more difficult time.
New rules and orders prescribed by society appear in the family. This factor can provoke an even greater distance between husband and wife, or, on the contrary, affect rapprochement.
Try to spend time with each other every day during this period. Don't assume that your loved one is still the same as a few years ago. Chat, ask questions, exchange thoughts. It's time to get to know each other again, and pleasant surprises are guaranteed.
Teenage Time
Adolescence is a difficult time for both children and parents. And if there is more than one teenager in the family? Sharp mood swings, teenage denial of everything generally accepted, conflicts at school and among friends.
All this cannot but worry parents. The stress indicator increases, and the family is completely focused on the teenager’s problems.
At this stage of development of family relationships, it is best to set clear boundaries.
Separate the problems of grown children from the problems that arise in a couple. Every time you feel an argument approaching, think about what exactly caused it.
Maybe it's because you're worried about your children? But we've all been there. Time will pass and you'll remember those difficult times with a smile.
empty nest
The children grew up and set out on their own. Silence reigned in the house, the husband and wife were left alone with each other.
Why do I call this stage in the life of spouses a crisis? Because right now a number of questions arise in the couple that require immediate answers.
Are we attractive to each other after these long years of living together and not always easy? Do we have common interests other than issues related to children, which are now not the first priority? How will we continue to live together, without children?
Spouses who have been hoarding their own unresolved issues and growing frustrations under the guise of raising children will find themselves in a situation where they will have to face all of these issues.
Will there be a solution to all the questions that have been hidden somewhere deep for many years? And most importantly, will both of them have the desire to solve these questions?
Couples whose goal is to be together will be able to overcome this crisis with ease.
The resulting free time will give the spouses a lot of unexpected opportunities and a new reality.
Dreams of traveling will probably come true now. Or maybe a joint exciting hobby will appear, for which there was no strength or time before. Another "honeymoon" will fall like snow on the head, you just have to want it.
Earlier we talked about what things about women are incomprehensible to men .
