Divorce is a traumatic event in a child's life.
But, despite this, the child can survive it relatively painlessly, thanks to the reasonable actions of the parents.
It happens that a man and a woman have taken everything they could from marriage, put in a lot of effort and work to save the family, but their attempts ended in failure.
In this situation, adults need to come to a common agreement.
What ex-spouses will need to agree on
First of all, parents are obliged to promise that they will not blackmail each other with the child.
No matter how difficult it may be, ex-spouses must learn to find a common language with each other. Therefore, it is worth giving up using humiliating and offensive words that hurt the adults themselves and their child.
Mom and Dad will also have to agree on when and how often the parent living separately will visit the child. It is imperative to adhere to the agreements and fulfill important conditions, otherwise the child may think that he or she has been betrayed.
What is worth explaining to a child
Mom and dad should tell the baby that after their separation, his life will change dramatically. Divorce is a new stage in life for members of a broken family, which leads not only to negative, but also to positive changes.
It is also necessary to explain to the child that the divorce was necessary, other parents also sometimes separate, and this happens not at all due to the fault of the child.
It is important to convince the child that the parent who moves to live in another place will still love him. The sooner adults have such a conversation, the easier it will be for the child to survive this difficult event.
After the conversation, the child should understand that one of the parents will no longer be able to:
- live with him in the same house or apartment
- wake up next to each other, say hello and brush your teeth cheerfully;
- give a scolding for not clearing a plate from the table;
- play with him every day;
- tell bedtime stories and kiss.
If you do not show attention and love to your offspring, he will start to blame himself for the fact that his parents got divorced. Here are just some of the possible conclusions that a child may mistakenly come to:
1. "I'm bad, disobedient! That's why dad left mom."
2. “I didn’t learn my lessons, my mother got angry and left us to go to the obedient children.”
This is a feature of children's logic.
Dear adults, develop your sense of self-worth! Learn to treat your ex-partner with respect, don’t be afraid to thank him for the time you spent together.
Remember the useful knowledge you gained in this relationship. Believe me, you will find many original details if you manage to strain your memory.
If you can't avoid a conflict, don't drag your child into adult squabbles, because that's not his area of responsibility. You alone must be responsible for your life and its further development. You are responsible for your marriage, regardless of whether it has broken up or not. Good luck!
