Many of us get very nervous when we meet people, because we want to please and win over the interlocutor from the first minutes, but this can be difficult to do.
Manipulative seduction techniques, code phrases and promises of magic – none of this is in the recommendations given by federal communications trainer Ainur Zinnatullin . Only time-tested and practice-tested recommendations that definitely work!
Ask questions, be genuinely interested in his life.
We all love to talk about ourselves, and there is nothing more enjoyable than the moment when someone truly listens to you. Use it! Ask questions, listen carefully, look your interlocutor in the eye and emotionally join in what is said. How is it done?
If the story is funny, laugh; if it is sad, raise your eyebrows and look sympathetically. Ask clarifying questions as the conversation progresses, find something in the speech that you agree with – tell your story in response, where you did exactly the same.
Try to avoid phrases like "Well, I have this", "Who does that!" and other judgmental remarks. Remember that the web of relationships between you is just beginning to form. No need to tear it apart with a bulldozer!
Offer your help in response to the question
There is a concept of relationships between people, where 0.5 are those who always only take during a relationship - time, energy, emotion, and it is never enough for them.
They are in chronic deficit. People 1 are those who took as much as they gave. Everything is rational and calculated for them. And there are people +1 – they always give extra, help with connections, contacts or other resources. The idea of “offer your help in response to a question” is from the universe of people +1, and it is one of the most effective. If during a conversation you understand that you have the necessary resource/knowledge/contact – share it with the interlocutor.
Don't ask for anything
It always feels like you're being looked at as just a tool to fulfill someone else's dream. Instead, use tip #2.
Don't try to be nicer than you are in real life.
Sometimes with new acquaintances it is the same as with goods in online markets - in the advertisement there is bright, beautiful packaging, designed for an impulsive purchase, and when the goods arrive at home - here is a hole, there is stretched and in general it is not what you wanted. Inside there is a bitter feeling that you were deceived.
How to apply this when meeting someone? Watch your inner tension. If it grows, you are betraying yourself, trying to seem better. If your body is relaxed, as if you are floating in a warm ocean, everything is going well.
Don't rush things
Millennial redwoods don't grow in 5 minutes. You don't need to become the closest friend to the person you just met, dissolve into them, and after the first conversation agree to write "when you get home."
Adults who have achieved success are scared by such extreme rapprochement and can be forever alienated. Exchanging contacts, social networks, agreeing to have a cup of coffee sometime is the best way to end an acquaintance.
Expert: Ainur Zinnatullin
