Crisis periods are an integral part of family life.
However, difficult times can be beneficial to a relationship or they can create an unbridgeable gap between loved ones.
Clinical psychologist Tatyana Baranova spoke about what we should be prepared for after one, five and fourteen years of marriage.
The experienced crisis of marital relations will become a new stage of family happiness. Couples who have gone through this difficult stage notice improvements in the emotional sphere and the achievement of mutual understanding.
Why Family Crises Are Inevitable
Difficulties in family life are common to all couples. A story like "and they lived happily ever after" is possible, but partners will have to make some effort to turn the fairy tale into reality.
According to psychologists, family crises are of two types: abnormal and normative.
And if the first ones directly depend on the relationship between two people (the presence of emotional, physical or financial violence, unforeseen difficulties or external changes, health problems or betrayal), then the second ones are considered as the norm of family development.
Normative crises are associated with natural changes in family life and all couples will have to go through them. Non-normative crises are rather an exception and do not occur in all families.
Family crises by year
Relationships in a couple are affected by time. Family life is characterized by crises at 1 year, 3 years, 7 years, 14 years and 20 years.
Crisis of 1 year
The crisis of the first year of family life occurs at the stage of rapprochement – spouses learn to divide territory and areas of responsibility. In the first year, mutual understanding is established. There is a clash of personal boundaries of two people, as well as their ideas about what family life should be like ideally.
By the end of the first year, romance gives way to everyday life. A realistic view of things will allow you to step onto the next level of family life: the ability to see, hear and accept your loved one with all their desires and opinions without “embellishment” and inflated expectations.
Crisis 3 years
By the age of three, a habit or boredom may appear in the relationship between spouses. Often, the crisis of three years coincides with the birth of children and changes in the sexual sphere.
"Many spouses note: a pleasant feature of a loved one suddenly becomes a cause for irritation." Misunderstandings in a couple accumulate if spouses spend little time together, do not find a minute to communicate and do not discuss issues that are important to them.
Communication will help overcome the crisis - at this stage, spouses should learn to say out loud their wishes, grievances and emotions. It is important not to shift the blame to the partner, but to look for joint solutions that will satisfy both. It is worth paying attention to the distribution of responsibilities.
Crisis 7 years
In the seventh year of marriage, it may seem that partners are trying their best to distance themselves: they plan their affairs so that they are together less often, they become more closed and no longer share their thoughts as before.
During this period, the “emotional climate” in the couple is especially important – how family members feel and how they cope with the emotions that each person experiences individually.
“To meet each other halfway at this moment means to preserve the relationship.”
Mutual understanding, respect, and the desire to understand your partner will help you overcome the seven-year crisis. It is important to respect each other's personal space and find compromise solutions.
Crisis of 13-14 years
The period when spouses face age crises. In addition, childhood crises can affect the relationship.
"The transitional moment reminds us of itself with more frequent arguments, distance, and decreased interest in each other. One of the partners may experience a feeling of loneliness or disappointment."
Working with personal issues and the midlife crisis will help you get out of the family crisis. New hobbies and new ways of realizing your abilities, permission to be tired and rest without tormenting your conscience, as well as communication outside the family will help you overcome the "happiness slump".
Crisis of 20-28 years
By this time, a person is faced with a natural need to review his own life - was he able to reveal and realize his potential, did his ideas about himself coincide with reality, what was the path he took?
“Analysis of past experiences, evaluation of past successes and failures often lead to a decrease in satisfaction with one’s state.”
The crisis of re-evaluation of the years lived can be provoked by changes within the family: children grow up and begin to live independently. Against the background of this change, a feeling of emptiness, a sense of loss of meaning and anxiety about the future can arise.
However, a crisis is a normal phenomenon in married life. Transitional moments occur at different stages of the family life cycle, and overcoming them depends on the efforts of all participants in the process.
The turning point requires patience, mutual respect and a willingness to be close to a loved one, and in return, new amazing facets of close relationships are revealed to us.
Earlier we talked about the unpleasant moments that can cause a man to lose his beloved .
Expert: Tatyana Baranova
