The feeling of guilt originates from those phrases – attitudes that parents (guardians) and older relatives say to their child.
Yes, adults say many phrases to protect a child from the troubles and mistakes that they themselves experienced in their time.
But, unfortunately, it often turns out that parents and relatives, with certain phrases, simply shift their fear and guilt onto the child.
What kind of phrases could these be? Let's look at some of them.
"You are a walking problem!" or "You are a source of trouble"
Or something similar. It is unpleasant to realize, but phrases from this point are among the most frequently encountered, according to statistics. Why do they sound?
There may be two options here: either the parents are too tired from work and household chores and they just need help from the child, not additional problems, or the parents simply do not need the child.
In the first case, phrases are often pronounced in a fit of emotion and fatigue. And here there is a minimal opportunity to establish good relations in the family, to overcome the negative attitude. But if the second case, then here the child will need very serious psychological help. After all, he will forever fixate on the fact that he is the source of all problems, and therefore must live quietly and unnoticed.
"Choose yourself"
This can be heard on almost any occasion: from choosing clothes to a profession. You shouldn't be happy that in this way the child is given the right to choose and instilled with independence. Not at all!
The reason for this is that such phrases are “thrown” by parents who do not even provide the child with minimal information, do not give advice and in every possible way demonstrate “This does not concern me!”
In other words, they simply shift responsibility onto him in situations where he does not clearly know the answer to the question: “Will this be useful to me?”
As a result, such a child, already being an adult, practically does not ask for help from people around him, tries to solve all the problems himself. And reacts very painfully that he cannot do something on his own.
"You need it, you decide!"
Unfortunately, this phrase can be heard not only in relation to an adult, but also to a child.
This is especially true for teenagers. It is at this time that many children assert their right to decide certain issues on their own. And this is even commendable.
But if, instead of an adequate answer, question or advice, a child hears: “You need it, you decide,” then you shouldn’t be surprised that he won’t approach a parent or relative for a conversation in the future.
After all, with this one phrase, the interlocutor showed the child that he is not interested in the child's life. And this forms a persistent thought in the child: "I am not needed here" with all the consequences.
"You don't help at all, you only get in the way!"
This is also a phrase that is heard quite often, which forms a persistent stereotype in the child: “All my efforts are useless, I am a slacker.”
All efforts, aspirations and results of work are devalued by this one phrase. Self-esteem in this case, tends not even to zero, but to negative numbers.
Such a child will perceive all praise only as a way to get something from him or as a harbinger of big troubles, and scolding and reproaches as a deserved reaction.
It is worth noting that in this case the child will experience very strong guilt, as he will think that any of his actions does not help his parents, but only hinders them.
Earlier we reported on how to live with a silent husband .
Expert: Arkhipova Julia
