There is a direct link between parents' unprocessed anxieties and fears and the child's behavior.
What kind of person he grows up to be depends directly on what his mom and dad consciously (or not so consciously) instill in him.
Even the most harmless, at first glance, phrases that some parents try to present under the sauce of care and education, can leave a gaping hole in the soul of a little person. And these parental "cockroaches" will remain with the child as fears and complexes for life.
What phrases should you never say to your child to prevent this from happening?
"Let me do it better", "let me do it myself".
There can be many variations. The point is that when a child fails at something, the parent takes it and does it for him. This should never be done. This is how a dependent personality type is formed.
The suggestion is that the child can't do anything on his own, is good for nothing, he is sort of "attached to his mother's skirt", and in adulthood he will also be dependent on other people, alcohol, games or drugs. A person is instilled with learned helplessness, which often leads to depression.
"Look at yourself!", "Who do you look like?", "I'm going to give you what for!"
In response to aggression and neglect, depressed people grow up who in the future will either become just as aggressive or cowardly.
Both of these will be accompanied by low self-esteem, or, if the child often hears this from his own mother, he will forever lose trust in women.
“Don’t worry”, “don’t be upset”, “stop crying”, “don’t be angry”, “shut up”.
At first glance, many of the phrases on this list seem harmless, so parents use them at every turn. And adults often use them with each other. In fact, such expressions establish a ban on emotions.
After the phrase "stop crying" you want to cry even more. Instead of trying to calm the child down with such methods, it is better to just listen to him, let him express his feelings and understand that his parents are there and are always ready to support him. To hug him if he wants it.
“Yes, I am for you… and you!”
By showing the child that parents deny themselves many things for his benefit, they create a total sense of guilt in him.
Thus, the child will always associate mom or dad with guilt, which, as we know, one wants to escape from.
Already in adulthood, a person will not be able to express his emotions normally when communicating with his family, because this feeling will haunt him. He will not be able to boast about his successes, because on a subconscious level he will be ashamed.
A clear conviction will form that in order not to experience this again and again, you need to, on the contrary, constantly complain about your life, then mom and dad will not consider him guilty of their own failures.
Feeling guilty greatly undermines self-esteem, and psychological defense will work in such a way that a person will want to leave and close off communication with their parents as quickly as possible.
"I'll leave you here now and go."
In an educational moment, when a parent does not like the behavior of his child for one reason or another, he often makes such a threat.
Even if a person may not react strongly to such a phrase in childhood, it will certainly affect his behavior in the future.
Such threats create a background of total abandonment and helplessness, which leads to anxiety disorder and self-doubt.
And in general, you should never threaten a child with something that will not actually happen. Otherwise, his consciousness will gradually develop a distrust of the words of adults.
"We'll do it, just don't whine!"
In no case should you give positive reinforcement to a child's tantrums. The outcome is quite clear - the person will get used to the fact that everything in this life can be achieved with tears, and will pull this trick again and again.
If the child is already of a conscious age, then the best solution would be to talk to him and explain why this or that is impossible or possible, but not now, and to provide all possible rational arguments.
If the baby is still very small, you need to try to switch his attention to something else. But do not indulge in hysterics.
Often, when raising a child, parents use the same words they learned as children and think, “Well, that’s how I was raised, and I grew up normal.”
No one can accurately track how exactly this or that method of upbringing influenced a person’s behavior, and which mother’s phrase formed this or that trait.
But every good parent definitely wants their child to become better than themselves, to achieve more and not to inherit doubts and complexes.
And it is in the power of every parent to convince their child that he is the best, the smartest and the most beautiful. And if a person is sure of this, then everyone around will think the same.
Earlier, the expert spoke about ways to deal with stress at work .
Expert: Elena Gutyro
