The famous phrase "When lovers quarrel, it's only to make up" does not apply to every couple. Some couples' quarrels are more like military actions.
It sounds a bit strange and even wild, but the whole "snag" is... in the inability to quarrel correctly! So, you need to learn!
Quarrels should be kept strictly private
To air dirty linen in public is, at the very least, bad manners. The quarreling couple will make up, however, random witnesses will certainly remember her hysterical shrieking and his tactless remarks, not to mention the shaking out of all the dirty laundry that these two restless people have and the personal attacks. A sticky and dirty residue on the soul is guaranteed for everyone, including the crowd of onlookers!
And, of course, children should not witness quarrels, no matter whether their own or someone else's. Any sensible person understands that quarrels between adults traumatize their psyche and force them to make disappointing conclusions.
It is necessary to watch your words and intonations
Language, as we know, is man's enemy, especially when one person quarrels with another. This means that it needs to be watched. The aforementioned personal attacks should not be allowed - sometimes they hurt more than any insult and are more offensive than the choicest swear words.
It is better to express any complaints at least relatively calmly and correctly. When one shouts, the other will immediately realize that the best and easiest way to defend is to attack. It is not difficult to guess what will happen next.
You shouldn't bring up past grievances with each other.
Looking back, problems cannot be solved. Relationships are clarified, first of all, on the merits. Often people get so carried away by old mutual claims that they forget what the quarrel was about, and this only worsens the situation. After all, the reason for the quarrel will be remembered one way or another.
No assault
And this technique is completely forbidden. It is impossible to predict where it will lead: someone to the police, and someone to the hospital, if not to the morgue. And this is not black humor, but the harsh and cruel prose of life.
Apologizing does not mean condescending
For some people, apologizing means compromising their principles. For others, it means admitting guilt even when there is none.
Both are deeply mistaken. The one who managed to take a step towards reconciliation cannot be a loser. And if a person, at least deep down, understands that he must apologize, he feels guilty in any case. If there is no guilt, then an apology will help to make peace in any case.
Ask yourself: “Why?”
It is necessary to understand why a quarrel is initiated and what both parties expect from it. To prove one's rightness and thereby amuse one's vanity? But then this is not the kind of dispute in which truth can be born, and it is simply foolish to expect that justice will prevail.
And if the purpose of the dispute is precisely to restore justice, the guilty party must humble his pride.
The ability to argue competently is a whole art that everyone must master. And even quite reasonable people with diplomacy and an analytical mind still have a lot to learn.
We previously wrote about how to start dating again after divorce .
Expert: Elena Gutyro
