Husband's shortcomings: how to deal with them

When we get married, we usually idealize our chosen one.

This is the period of falling in love or the so-called “rose-colored glasses”, when He is simply ideal, without a single flaw, perfection itself.

The first months of living together are spent in a state of euphoria (like in a fairy tale). But after a while, we notice that our chosen one does not quite meet the criteria of a “prince”.

What to do? How to change something in the relationship to return to what it was? Where did your ideal disappear? What happened?

And here many women make typical mistakes:

• they begin to criticize (reproach) more often in order to push for change;
• try to disguise criticism with ironic jokes (“harmless” jokes);
• more often remind the husband what needs to be done;
• they monitor his affairs and try to control them;
• create scandals or resort to threats;
• They complain and ask to spare their nerves.

These are the most common ways to influence your husband, but they are not very effective. Behind all this is an ordinary desire to change your partner. Why? To pull him up to the standards you have set yourself. You want to see him as romantic, reliable, decisive, gallant, successful, and so on. So that he is an ideal father for the children and (most importantly) your mother likes him.

But we forget that times are different: modern men are completely ordinary people, with their flaws and shortcomings. They have complexes, are prone to neuroses, and get upset because of failures. But we fell in love with them simply because they exist. And we voluntarily agreed to share our fate with them, all the ups and downs, all the joys and all the sorrows.

Reasons for change

To understand why your significant other has changed dramatically, you need to understand what you don’t like about them. Let’s name a few of the most common reasons.

1. At the very beginning of any relationship, we all strive to show our more advantageous qualities.

We women, at first, conscientiously hide our shortcomings, flaunting the best sides of our character. Your husband did exactly the same. After all, he wanted to conquer "the most beautiful lady." And when the goal is achieved, you can relax. Why prove or conquer anything, after all, you are his wife. To return the former passion, create a situation where he must conquer you again.

2. Family life implies running a joint household.

At first, it is quite natural that there may be some friction about living together. All couples go through this. The main thing is not to get bogged down in it, but to find the best solution for both of you.

Many representatives of the fair sex, wanting to show how lucky their chosen one is with them, surround him with immeasurable care. And the man meekly accepts your efforts and stops doing anything around the house at all.

These are the most common reasons why your husband is changing, although there are many more.

Why Women Are Sure They Can Re-Educate Their Husbands

Our entire historically developed education system is based on the idea that a person can be re-educated. It is only necessary to control, remind, monitor, point out mistakes more often. And we habitually transfer this model of education to ourselves and, of course, to our husbands.

But even if the result meets expectations, for a woman on an emotional, spiritual level all this is very difficult, destructive. This re-education takes so much strength and energy. But a woman wants to be a Woman - gentle, defenseless next to a strong and attentive man. What to do? And here is the most interesting thing. It is necessary to influence the husband, this is not even stipulated. But how to do it beautifully?

How to Influence Your Husband Without Inflicting a Crushing Blow on Yourself

A wise woman expresses all her requests, advice and reproaches in a form that in no way humiliates a man. After all, if he senses a hidden reproach, his wounded pride will begin to defend itself. And this is another scandal.

The most effective way to prove something to your husband is to use the axiom (statement): "I'm good - you're good." This is exactly the kind of relationship that spouses strive for. Relationships built on love and respect, on attention to human dignity.

And then your chosen one begins to listen to you. After all, you know how to praise and support, and not just criticize. That is when you get the right to openly tell your chosen one about his shortcomings. And only at such a moment he not only hears you, but also listens.

The delivery of your "reproaches" is also important. A real woman resorts to some tricks: instead of assertions, she asks questions, instead of demands, she shares the problem and (attention) asks her husband for advice.

Women have many such tricks in their arsenal. Learn to use them. When trying to change your husband, start with yourself. And then you will see in your chosen one the “prince” you once fell in love with.

Earlier we explained why you shouldn’t keep cracked dishes in your home.