In most conflicts, some kind of consensus can be reached, even if it seems impossible at the moment. Learn to argue in a way that not only does not destroy the relationship, but also strengthens it!
These universal rules can be used in relationships between family and friends, as well as at work.
Set yourself up correctly
It is better not to start an argument when you are excited: you risk saying too much, and emotions will prevent you from thinking logically.
Therefore, try to calm down as much as possible: sit comfortably and try to throw all thoughts out of your head for three or four minutes.
Focus on your body: the sensations in your toes and fingers, the position your body has taken, etc. This exercise is akin to meditation, and you will definitely feel calmer after it.
Remember the main thing
At the very beginning of the conversation (and even better – before it), articulate to yourself what your goal in the dispute is. What do you want to achieve, what do you want to get as a result?
It is very important to understand this, because by keeping your main goal in mind, you will be able to avoid being distracted by trifles and focus on the main thing.
Explain your motives
When you start a conversation that is very important to you, tell your interlocutor: “I started this conversation because I want you and me to understand each other, and not to conflict with you.”
Remember that each of your arguments or comments should not be aimed at throwing your interlocutor off balance, but at reaching an agreement and understanding each other.
Show feedback
When your interlocutor has expressed his opinion, be sure to say something like: "Yes, I understand you", "Yes, I heard you". If you still haven't quite clarified his argumentation, ask: "Did I understand you correctly that...?"
These words will show your interlocutor that you are not going to defend your position at any cost, that you are ready to compromise. This will reduce the intensity of the dispute.
Recognize the disputant's right to his opinion
Every person has the right to be different from what you would like, he can also have his own ideas, even if they seem crazy to you. After all, you are not always understandable to others, right?
If you categorically disagree with his opinion, don't label him with things like, "That's complete nonsense!" or, "I've never heard such nonsense!" Say something like, "I understand your position, even though I don't share it."
Look for what unites you
All people, even those very different in character, social status and mental abilities, have something in common. Look for what unites you and your opponent.
This could be a desire to make your company successful, concern for health, a desire to live in peace with everyone. Say it out loud: "You, like me, want our child not to get sick this winter." After an affirmative answer, offer a compromise that will suit both you and the disputant.
Don't get personal
Perhaps, during an argument, your interlocutor has really angered you, and you say something like: “What kind of stubbornness is this?!” Remember: such a phrase will immediately cross out your efforts to achieve a compromise!
Never, even when upset, talk about the qualities of the interlocutor, for example, that he is stupid, rude, lazy. Talk about a specific situation and his behavior in it: "It seems to me that you are acting stupidly." Discuss actions and specific facts, not the person!
Know how to end a conversation in time
If your interlocutor behaves aggressively, starts insulting or humiliating you, know: no sense will come out of this conversation, there will only be a quarrel and swearing. Therefore, say as calmly as possible: "We both need to calm down, let's continue the conversation in an hour."
Remember that after an unpleasant argument you need time to recover: go out into the fresh air, walk for 10 minutes outside, wash yourself with cold water. And only then get down to your current tasks.
Don't be arrogant
Yes, you may indeed be more competent or have more authority, but if you demonstrate your superiority in an argument, then your interlocutor will certainly get angry, feeling like a second-class citizen.
Use the pronoun “we” more often: “We can solve this issue this way…”, “We need to think about how to do this”.
End the argument on a positive note
Even if you don't get exactly the result you expected, it's important to end the conversation on a positive note.
Any words that express your sincerity and sympathy will do: “Thank you for listening to me,” “I’m glad we understood each other,” “It’s very good that we talked about this.”
Earlier we told you how to get rid of a bad streak in life .
Expert: Julia Tychino
