Content
Why you should trust your partner
02.07.2024 18:15
You cannot control everything all the time, therefore, one way or another, some tasks and powers have to be delegated.
Therefore, the question "should I believe?" is asked only conditionally, implying trust. People can trust another, a partner, completely only in hopeless circumstances, when there is no choice.
And such trust strengthens the relationship. And typically trust occurs at a conditional level, however, they prefer not to talk about it.
Therefore, there is a big difference between the concepts of "believing" and "trusting". You can trust your husband or partner that he really stopped at a car service center after work. Or your child that he spat out the gum and did not swallow it. And "trust" - their secrets, assets, children and other pleasant joys, - says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .
So, there is a link between trust and its consequences. Trust, if it is not used to harm and not destroyed, cements, strengthens personal relationships between partners. And even if it is destroyed, but the relationship continues, you can’t do without it. It is like a structural element, an obligatory part of a good relationship.
On the other hand, when analyzing the reasons for the partner's unexpected behavior - provided you trust him, you can find a lot of interesting things. Trust, as a rule, is not only a mandatory process, but also a mutual one. And if your partner does not trust you, it is advisable not to criticize him, but to think about the reasons for the phenomenon. You can find out about them in a private and honest conversation.
Frank conversation
Yes, this way of interaction helps. Provided that you are ready to answer all your partner's questions. And if he has already shown distrust towards you or destroyed your trust by his actions, then he has reasons to doubt you and many unresolved questions (to you).
Therefore, the form of a confidential conversation, provided that both want to maintain the relationship, is almost the only way to improve the relationship. At the same time, one must be prepared for a complete, according to the questions, "exchange" of information - as prisoners are exchanged "all for all". After a confidential conversation, there should be no questions left at all. This is its meaning.
Don't be afraid to "talk" with tension. Negative emotions are not evil. Emotions are an indicator: they signal that certain events/phenomena/thoughts cause a strong response.
Happening
Another good way to demonstrate or restore trust is a dangerous situation. When a partner or you yourself come to the rescue unexpectedly when the other one is “not feeling well”, that very moment is a trust-building moment between you.
At the core is the feeling of your timely help and irreplaceability at a specific moment in time for a specific person. This is appreciated. But chance is difficult to attract intentionally (it will be noticeable to another). Chance is, by definition, an unpredictable concept, just like reactions to it.
The same person can react to a similar situation at different times and with different partners in different ways. That is why it is extremely stupid to “simplify” and “generalize” the reasons for another’s behavior, to label.
There are certain characteristics in character, prerequisites for “action predictions” and behavioral patterns, but in general, the behavior of any person cannot be accurately predicted.
When trust is broken
If trust has already been destroyed, it is not easy to restore it, but it is possible. First of all, you need to calm down. This can be done with the help of physical and intellectual work.
In the first case, well-known techniques and practices are suitable, such as the “square of breathing” - a slow inhalation counting “one-two-three-four”, then an equally extended exhalation, and finally holding the breath for 4-5 seconds.
Often this technique is simplified to a deep breath (for four counts) and an exit. The same technique is used not only when one wants to calm down, but also when meeting an unpleasant person or receiving negative emotions, which include even subjectively understood dubious compliments.
Taking a deep breath and stepping out helps to calm down “here and now” in such a situation.
The stronger the emotions are, the more intense physical activity is appropriate to choose in the absence of medical contraindications. This is also a way to calm down, and with benefit for your own health.
An outburst of emotions is possible even in singing a song at the top of your voice. For this, choose a familiar song or performer - the main thing is "at the top of your voice". This is one of the variations of the well-known method of calming down "to shout at the Christmas tree in the forest".
And finally, intellectual work – as an option – consists of relating to events without passing them through oneself, indirectly. Not everyone succeeds at this right away, it depends on the person’s characteristics, but practice helps to master this technique.
Whether the other person intentionally offended you, and this led to the destruction of trust - this is the determining factor. If the other person had long-term plans to "do dirty tricks" and went towards the goal consistently - which is often evident from their actions - this is one thing.
It is necessary to look at the partner's motives and determine them without error. Without knowing the motives, it is very difficult to diagnose correctly.
Determine the intentionality of actions
If events and reactions happened without intention, that is, they were not aimed directly at you - to anger or offend - this is different. Based on this, reactions to certain events are chosen.
In order to accurately diagnose the causes of phenomena, including the destruction of trust, it is necessary to talk with your partner, and not just demand that he fulfill some of your desires.
You must trust your partner unconditionally. And mistrust, even in something, is well felt by others and, aggravating the situation, causes negative reciprocity.
If one partner doesn't value trust and you're not playing some more subtle game with them (which they, oddly enough, understand), then you're probably not ideal for them, and therefore the other has reason to not trust you.
It is unlikely that you need to "go through yourself" and be offended by such a situation. It is much better to either leave the relationship without torturing either him or yourself, or - if you value them - to talk frankly. Verbal, rather than remote, communication is quite good for this.
However, a lot has been said and written on this topic. Hundreds of tactics and practices are offered in the public domain – how to “detect an unsuitable person in time”, “how to protect personal boundaries”, “how to resist being used by others” and all of them… are useless (useful only in general terms).
With such advice and using some recommended methods, you clearly understand that you are “right” and that you are facing “the wrong person.” And how good it is that “I read this in time and understood it.” However, everything is much more complicated.
Happiness cannot be achieved this way, and changing partners will not surprise anyone. Therefore, the main problem in trusting relationships is sincere reciprocity. This is not done by order. You can criticize or make claims when and where you behave absolutely impeccably.
Earlier we talked about friends that a person needs for a happy life.
