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Who and how does late fatherhood help or how can a single father find a family
18.07.2024 17:07
Whether this is good or bad, there is actually a social group in society - men who become fathers after 45-50 years.
Now, when technologies have developed in various areas of theoretical and applied knowledge, all processes of interaction in society are accelerating.
We will try to show the problems that can happen in family life. Sometimes it is worth fighting for your relationship, and sometimes - to let go of the past. To realize in time that it is time to start a new page in your life.
The simplified interpretation of the reasons for the criticism of “late fatherhood” is well known – from the outside, people think that “seasoned” men take a long time to decide on fatherhood, and a range of opinions are offered as to why this happened.
Let's say the main thing - a person's behavior always depends on his characteristic features, desires, plans, capabilities, relevant experience of overcoming similar circumstances and sudden challenges of the time, says Andrey Kashkarov .
The example of "star fathers" who decided to add to their families at a very respectable age is on everyone's lips. Cases that hardly surprise anyone are becoming public knowledge more and more often.
Of course, there are "pros" and "cons" for the child, for the parents, in general - pros and cons of education. Why do men consciously go for late parenthood, because in most cases these are planned children? After all, there are also great risks of such fateful decisions.
Dads are not moms, but they are not worse either
For example, according to the well-known maxim: “Moms always know when it is better for their children to wear a hat and rubber boots. And most importantly – which ones”; only sometimes they get too carried away with endless and biased care based on their own vision of the situation.
There may be a prejudice that fathers are incapable of knowing this. Not at all. An attentive father knows this and much more. And if he has a pedagogical education, he will compete with teachers at school (to their frequent displeasure due to competition and understanding of the basics of the profession).
Therefore, the issue is not so much about “late fatherhood”, but about understanding the roles, the ability to interact, and the desires of a specific couple - a woman and a man.
The reasons are child-oriented
It either exists - in a specific period of time and in specific individuals - or it does not. In fact, this is what determines a man's behavior in the matter of the desire for fatherhood, including when a man is of age.
Some men are comfortable and "free" with themselves. Some, despite the kind words addressed to her, are not sure about a female partner.
It is not easy to change this with one desire, an authoritarian order or even actions - there are too many nuances and factors influencing the circumstances. But desire and orientation cannot be hidden, and they are not hidden intentionally.
There is also a related problem - how to find a wife for a single father with a child.
Why is it difficult for a single father with a child to find a wife?
Indeed, it can be a challenge for a single father with a child from a previous marriage to find a partner to start a new family.
A man who is ready for marriage is typically ready to build a relationship with a woman with a child and/or children.
However, not every lady is ready to accept someone else's child into a new family. For a man, a son or daughter "not his" is not a hindrance, he is ready to take responsibility for a smooth upbringing and financial support (if necessary), but for a woman this can become a problem.
The causes of the phenomenon are marked by a bias in attitudes towards one's own role and... narcissism. If a woman already has children, she remembers all her experiences very well, the particularities of sleepless nights and raising children, "difficulties and hardships", and typically considers the task in her role to be completed.
But here it is important to understand not the general, but the specific situations. There are both men and women who are what is called "child-oriented" and observe happiness in a large family.
Yes, such people are not "lying on the road", but it is still possible to meet them in person (and not in the declarations of plans). The main thing is how a man and a woman can interact.
That is, it is important that they love each other, and not fulfill their plans and dreams at the expense of the other. Then half the problem is solved.
The late child is the happiest
There is indeed some basis for this maxim – with some clarifications. You don’t have to go far and long to know your own examples.
My father, a WWII veteran, now deceased, wanted children even at 50; and so it happened. The outstanding parent, without leaving the family, died at the age of 88, when the author of these lines was already confidently living an independent life. My father regularly took me on trips, introduced me to sports and fishing, as well as to a creative approach (as the author of many registered inventions). In elementary school, when the "old dad", but in medals, came to the courage lessons in class, friends with an easily detectable slyness whispered: "Andryukha, your grandfather has come again, now he will tell how he fought in the civil war and also - about the punishment with gauntlets", and then I, and everyone else got used to the unusual fact, which became a subject of my pride.
Therefore, there may be different examples and different arguments. But in general, if a man is conditionally medically healthy and not subject to bad habits, he can live a long time these days. Not only live, but also work.
And as we know, you can work in different ways. One works three jobs and gets tired - he may not have time for children, he just wants to get to the couch, while another earns in an hour what some earn in a month.
This argument is related to the topic of material support.
How to find an understanding woman
In this case, a huge and promising role belongs to a specific woman. Despite the risk factors, including "medical" ones, inherent to the ageing parents or one of them, if she is no less child-oriented, confident in the future of their union, problems usually do not arise.
An attentive woman who takes the time to think and get to know her partner can determine without fail whether a particular subject is suitable for such a long-term joint “project”.
The risks of dying an "old dad"
In order to objectively consider risks, one must have the gift of foresight. In order to understand the arguments of "aged fathers", it is desirable to have the same experience and think like them. Of the main arguments, it is appropriate to cite the following.
Despite the fact that a man cannot give birth on his own, for a typical representative of the species, conception and birth of a child is happiness.
It can be understood subjectively, but in general it reflects a man's natural attitudes towards reproduction of offspring. It adds awareness of the value of his own life, role, influence and actions.
A man typically "subdues the created world" (tries to), and with this position his child is perceived as additional strength, support, development of the family, pride, mutual assistance. In addition, fatherhood is inherent in the gender role by nature itself.
With this position, a man is always in a winning position – despite the laws and established law enforcement practices in different countries that are oriented towards mothers.
The court may decide to leave the child “with the mother,” but in some places, like the People’s Republic of China (and some other countries) with a population of billions of people, laws and taxes regulate “general” reproduction; more than two children – a higher tax is levied.
The ambiguous and controversial question of how stupid women are parasitizing on such laws and manipulating their male fathers will be left out of discussion.
Neither the father's role nor his happiness changes from this. It is also rare to meet a child or teenager who would be sincerely indignant at being brought into the world, asking his father the question - "why?"
Because the question itself has an answer that is clear to a psychologist. It is not a question of "why", but rather that the child wants more attention from his father.
If this psychological imperative "under one look for another" is understood correctly, then whatever the relationship between children and older fathers at different times, they can almost always be improved; there would be a desire. Of course, one cannot generalize in this matter.
It happens differently. But just as one cannot “offend with love” one cannot cause harm with correct attention, care, there is never enough of it – especially in our turbulent times.
There may be risks of not living to see the child reach adulthood, but they are not the main ones or limiting the behavior of a father who wants children. In some cases, the opposite happens.
The older a man is, and especially if he has not had the good fortune of raising his own children for a long time, the more he wants a child – regardless of age. What he lacks for “complete happiness”.
"Non-conforming" arguments
Against this background, there are counter-arguments: it is not enough to give birth – one must raise, provide for, give prospects for development. All this is unthinkable without the care of the children by the father or – in some cases – the man replacing him.
The main perspectives, roles and meanings that determine the status of a father are two - the father is the one who is the biological parent and the one who takes care of the child. These roles do not always coincide. But this does not mean that they do not exist.
There are quite a lot of established opinions in society that men are almost infantile in this sense...
However, there are not many cases when the man himself is given the "word for arguments" - believe me, he finds and will find many arguments in defense of his position. Especially in the typical modern situation and imbalance in gender roles.
More significant risks exist and manifest themselves if a man's health is weakened or does not allow him to rely on his own strength - to reproduce children and, most importantly, to provide for them. In this situation, it is necessary to analyze specific circumstances individually.
A similar argument can be heard in connection with the opinion that with age the risk of having children with special, limited health capabilities increases. However, we are not saying that there are no risks that should be discussed not without evidence, but taking into account medical statistics and many other factors.
And we are talking about the fact that even in relatively "young" families, men and women give birth to disabled children. These statistics are quantitatively huge and are also connected with many factors, including the health of the woman.
Difference in ratings
However, men typically treat childbearing "at an older age" and think about it in their own way, differently. One can even talk about a certain male child-orientation. There is a fairly stable palette of opinions, when men consider "having many children" to be happiness and a "plus".
And not because, according to other opinions, representatives of the species are typically called polygamous. That is, many men have experience of divorce and raising children in "former" families.
One way or another, fatherhood in different families today and for a long time is a given. This indisputable fact alone suggests that a typical man is not against having children at any age.
Everyone will draw their own conclusions, but the main ones may be that you shouldn't copy anyone's behavior and actions (analysis is appropriate), it is advisable to find your own path, wanting a child when you are "ten" years old. This rule helps universally. Because there are as many people as there are opinions.
A woman who has not given birth or has denied herself the pleasure of having a large family thinks differently than a woman with many children. If a couple wants children, various options are open, including adoption from "shelters".
Unfortunately, sometimes the subjective assessments of “late” fatherhood and motherhood that exist in society prevail over common sense. I remember a case when a peer said: “What are you talking about – we are already 48 years old”, to which I appropriately retorted: “for two – still less than 100”.
That is why I am happy, barely restraining myself from dancing, to read news from (and about) elderly fathers, whose names are on everyone's lips, about the development of families and successes - both in our country and abroad. There is only one life - and life is everywhere.
