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Top of the most important complaints of a husband to his wife after a year of marriage
08.02.2024 16:27
There are many perks to working as a psychologist.
Especially if you work a lot with members of the opposite sex.
Ten years of practice gives the opportunity to put many things in order that help to build a happy life and your own.
Divorce from a man's point of view
Men come mainly with two topics. This is the topic of money and the topic of divorce. The second, naturally, is quite difficult.
Men go through crises, feelings of guilt, anxiety, disappointment, loss of meaning in life, and serious internal pain, says Olga Anishchenkova .
There are many reasons and problems connected with this topic. And when work is going on, men naturally talk a lot about how they see the situation. About what happened, why it happened. And, surprisingly, many of them say the same things.
A book could be written based on the sessions with men who are in the process of divorce, especially after the first year of marriage. And this book would be called: "The Top Most Important Reasons Why Men Divorce."
Reason one: the wife's dissatisfied face
This is the most important reason that probably every man has mentioned. It is difficult to recall any example when this reason was not mentioned. The first reason that dear men talk about is the following.
When he opens the door to his home, he hopes to find himself in an atmosphere of love, acceptance, kindness, and relaxation. But in response he gets a dissatisfied face, a complaint from the doorway, a feeling that he is not coming home, but to strict parents or to a pioneer camp. Or sometimes there are even more difficult feelings. A man feels as if he is coming to a prison or a concentration camp. And this also happens.
So, the expectation: a friendly face, a sweet smile, an enthusiastic look, delicious smells from the kitchen. Reality: a dissatisfied face and complaints from the doorway. And this makes a person disappointed in what will happen next during the rest of the day. That is, this mood is set for the rest of the evening, for the remaining hours. And this feeling of dissatisfaction, disappointment, sadness. Each has their own. But for sure, this is not what pleases.
Reason two: eternal claims
This is the next reason why men are also disappointed in family life. Many women are sure somewhere deep down that a man exists to realize her ideas about him. That is, this story is quite understandable. Everyone dreams of an ideal partner. In childhood, we all heard fairy tales where there are beautiful princes and princesses, where relationships are formed.
We have watched millions of films on this topic, heard billions of songs, read a huge number of poems. And many have an idea of a partner as the most ideal person. And as if this person was created to satisfy the unfulfilled needs of his partner with his whole life.
In fact, this indicator is much lower for men than for women. No matter how outrageous this fact may seem, it is true. And a woman day after day expects that now, for example, he will protect her from someone, bring her a million dollars, carry her in his arms, guess her thoughts, and so on.
This story tells us that there are many unfulfilled needs in her soul. And it seems that these needs should be fulfilled by a partner. But the question arises, how realistic is this? How close is this expectation to life? Very remotely.
Because a man, if he enters into a relationship, is also a living person. He has a lot of his own needs, closed or unclosed. He has a lot of shortcomings, let's be honest. He has huge pluses for which you can love. And he has minuses that are leveled out if you love him.
But women rely on another idea. That if you are a partner, then you should satisfy all their needs. If this does not happen, then complaints, grievances, indignation, anger, irritation appear. But in fact, it is impossible for anyone to satisfy these needs if they do not work on it.
Because these needs, or rather deficiencies, did not arise at the moment when the man appeared, but much earlier. Perhaps in childhood or adolescence. But in this case, as in the topic of health, it is important to work not with the symptom "my unmet needs and my anger about this", but with the cause. And this gives results.
Reason three: a woman stops taking care of herself
The next reason, which most likely many thought of first, is that in marriage a woman stops taking care of herself and looking after herself. She relaxes, and the home becomes such a safe place for her that it seems there is no need to maintain the tone that will make a man pay attention to her, fall in love again and again, attract glances.
Reason number four: there is nothing to talk about
Another reason that most men who are going through a divorce give is that the spouses have little to talk about. And most men talk about breakfast, where you can hear everyone's fork clanking on their plate.
After the questions "How are you?", "What are your plans for today?", "What are we going to do this weekend?" the conversations stop. And this contributes to the fact that closeness leaves the relationship. And if closeness leaves, it means that the distance increases, it means that the reasons for which these people would like to continue to be together are lost.
Reason five: conflicts over raising children
Inconsistency, conflict or inability to agree on the topic of raising children is also one of the main reasons that men cite in the process of divorce. Especially when it comes to raising sons.
This point is the most understandable, because mothers are softer and more compassionate individuals, and fathers, on the contrary, are determined to help a growing person fit into this not always kind world. And in this case, mothers think that a man is breaking the child's psyche, and fathers think that mom is spoiling him. And this leads to conflicts, misunderstanding, irritation and often also adds arguments in favor of divorce.
Of course, these are not all the reasons. But, nevertheless, this is the top of the most frequently mentioned complaints of men towards women. And you can argue with this, you can ignore it, you can laugh at it, or you can take it into account and think about what you can do so that this does not happen to you.
You can ask yourself the question: “What can I do to evoke different feelings, different reactions and different emotions towards myself?” And if this article is read by a woman who has a desire to strengthen, maintain and develop relationships, despite the difficulties, perhaps she has a reason to think about her strategy.
And if a man is reading, perhaps there is a reason to ask your beloved woman for a conversation and tell her about your feelings, about what is going on inside. In order, again, to make the relationship stronger, even going through a difficult conversation.
Earlier we wrote about what you shouldn’t do in a relationship.
