Stages of experiencing betrayal or divorce: how to understand and accept your emotions
Many couples experience a crisis in a relationship, in particular betrayal by one of the partners or even divorce.
Of course, this is a painful process for both parties, accompanied by mental and physical pain.
Getting off with a “light fright” is not always possible. No matter how ready a person is for a divorce or even the initiator, the psyche goes through a grieving process in any case, says Kristina Mizernaya .
The human psyche is structured in such a way that any loss (death of a loved one, divorce, moving) is experienced by the psyche according to one scenario, but naturally with varying degrees of emotional coloring.
Thus, the news of a partner's betrayal or divorce (separation) is perceived as a shock trauma of loss. By loss we mean loss of trust in the partner, loss of the partner himself, loss of hopes and expectations.
What you need to know about the grieving process regarding betrayal or divorce, so as not to be afraid of your emotions and to live through an undoubtedly difficult period of life in an environmentally friendly way for yourself.
It is necessary to know all the stages of grief that you will inevitably have to go through in order to live through and let go of the emotions and feelings associated with the situation of betrayal or a breakup.
Science says it takes an average of 18 months for a person to recover from a breakup.
During this period, the psyche goes through several stages of grief:
1. shock, denial - the initial stage, when a person is just faced with the news of a loved one's betrayal and the breakup of the relationship.
At this stage, a person does not realize the reality of the situation, it seems to him that it is just a dream, he will wake up and everything will end. He is in a state of emotional freezing, which affects the physiological processes of the body.
The shock stage can last from a few minutes to months.
During this period, it is important to be among loved ones. Verbal and physical contact with relatives will help a person gradually return to reality.
2. depression - a person begins to realize the reality of what is happening and gradually gains momentum in emotional grief.
This stage is accompanied by peak emotional experiences, mental turmoil, feelings of a dead end and the meaninglessness of further life. At this stage, feelings of guilt arise for not maintaining the relationship, resentment, pain, disappointment, anger, including the fear of loneliness.
This period lasts on average 8-9 weeks.
It is important to speak out, allow yourself to show emotions (cry, scream, break dishes). In this way, you relieve your psyche from strong emotional pressure, and also physically relax your body from tension.
Very often, a person closes off emotionally, not allowing himself to “suffer and cry” at this stage, but finds, as it seems to him, “salvation” in work or dives into new relationships.
Outwardly, such actions help to distract from grief, but emotions and experiences remain inside the person, which can subsequently result in psychosomatic diseases or a repetition of a similar scenario in order to return the person to an open gestalt that will need to be closed, even through experiencing a new, but similar scenario.
3. The period of residual phenomena - where a person is less and less immersed in memories and suffering.
Vivid emotional outbursts are possible during periods of random meetings with the ex-partner or the party with whom the betrayal occurred, as well as significant dates and events (the first birthday without him, the first New Year without him, etc.) can provoke emotional experiences.
The difficulty of this period is also that old mutual friends, relatives, children can provoke memories. It is necessary to relearn how to establish contact with them.
On average, this stage lasts about a year after divorce.
4. Acceptance - during this period, a breakup or betrayal is perceived by a person no longer as acute grief, but as a feeling of sadness.
You learn to live and cope without him. Your emotional state and self-esteem are restored. You begin to think about new relationships. The grieving process is considered to be close to completion when you begin to see prospects for the future and make plans for life.
We are all different. Some people manage to go through all the stages of grief and let go of the situation quite quickly, while others need more time to recover.
There are cases when a person gets stuck at one of the stages. There may be different reasons for this, including psychological features of the personality organization.
This can lead to health problems (vegetative-vascular diseases, eating disorders, depression, sleep disorders, women's diseases), as well as to the development of mistrust and revenge towards the opposite sex, which increases the chances of loneliness in the future.
The most environmentally friendly way to cope with a breakup or news of betrayal is to work with an experienced psychologist.
Which will help you determine your emotional state and ecologically guide you through all stages of grief with minimal losses for your psyche and body as a whole.
Earlier we talked about why a man doesn’t write to a woman .
