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Praise for your loved one: how not to thank so as not to ruin the relationship
16.01.2024 17:10
Gratitude in a relationship is an extremely necessary thing.
This way we get a chance to express our feelings. For example, to show love and feelings for our other half. Or to understand that he is a specific person – a necessary and valuable person in our life.
But, unfortunately, we do not know how to say words of gratitude correctly. Often, the devaluation of the completed act occurs and a "bitter aftertaste" is created, which makes you think the next time: "I really need this...".
In the same way, doubts about the strength of relationships and the need for communication with each other are formed. So, let's take a detailed look at how not to thank so as not to spoil the relationship.
Let us highlight 4 recommendations.
Don't be overly grateful and praising
There are people in the world who will thank you so much and so much for a standard service that it even becomes embarrassing.
Because it creates the false impression that instead of some small thing or the fulfillment of the simplest request, a great feat was accomplished.
It becomes especially unpleasant if gratitude is expressed in front of a large crowd of strangers.
No one argues: some people may even like it, because it satisfies their ego. But most people will perceive such a reaction as somewhat strange.
It is worth thanking in proportion to the service rendered. For example, for a cup of coffee you can simply say: "Thank you." And only then treat the person at your own expense. And for a banal and timely hint you can simply thank and move on.
Gratitude will not cover up a person's misdeeds or negative traits.
Gratitude can serve as a form of voluntary self-deception. For example, a cruel domestic tyrant may make monetary donations to charities.
Or a skilled home manipulator is able to create original and necessary computer programs for society. How can you not thank such people – they make such a great contribution to the development and improvement of society's life.
In this case, gratitude is a clever self-deception, since we voluntarily close our eyes to the negative traits of a person, without trying to somehow help those who suffered from his behavior.
Therefore, in such a situation, “Thank you” is a reason to forget or not pay attention to what was done by a person.
When there is no point in thanking
You may also encounter a situation when in your personal life or at work a person has not heard even a banal "Thank you" from management or colleagues. "Epiphany" sometimes comes unexpectedly for such individuals.
For example, when an employee dies or when he moves to another job and becomes successful there.
Then the former “comrades” suddenly remember how grateful they were to him for the work he did!
A similar situation can be observed in family relationships. For example, one partner never praised or thanked his or her other half under any circumstances.
After a breakup, the "abandoned" partner showers the former lover with gratitude and assurances about how much he or she valued the partner. This is simply how he or she motivated the "lost love" to continue working on themselves.
Turning Gratitude into a Competition
Responding to gratitude for gratitude is a stupid thing to do. Especially when one of the interlocutors is trying to assert himself using this situation.
Then, instead of a good deed, a competition begins for the sake of obtaining some benefit or status in the eyes of others.
This behavior will only push away people who might have considered you a kind and positive person.
And those around you may consider you a selfish and greedy person who is pursuing his own benefit or trying to profit at the expense of others.
Earlier we talked about how to distinguish true love from passion .
