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Men over 40: how to overcome the crisis and find harmony
05.03.2024 18:30
A red car, a motorcycle or constant thoughts about your life: “Is this what I wanted? What have I achieved?” have become symbols of a midlife crisis.
The behavior of men after 40 years of age is sometimes incomprehensible.
Drastic changes in life are associated with a strong sense of loss of youth and activity, and a loud motorcycle or fashionable sneakers can become a desperate attempt to catch up with what they think has already been lost.
Clinical psychologist Tatyana Baranova talks about what happens to men after 40 – what is dangerous about a midlife crisis? Let's look at the first symptoms and causes of this condition, which you should know about in advance.
New stage and new hobbies
While for some men the midlife crisis is associated with an attempt to re-evaluate the past experience, others try to return to their past using material symbols or new connections.
“Men aged 40 and above may experience a sense of loss of something important and valuable – youth is passing, and with it the active years of achievements and opportunities.”
A midlife crisis is a transitional period of development characterized by a change in life attitudes, a reassessment of experience, a search for new values and a determination of future prospects.
The stage may include the following manifestations:
- Re-evaluation of life experience: men look back on their years and begin to evaluate their achievements. Such thoughts often lead to emotional experiences, and the world of fantasy and expectations turns out to be much more attractive than the surrounding reality.
- Doubts and identity crisis: Men may face questions about the meaning of life and achievements, which often leads to self-doubt. It seems that the “best time” is already behind them, and their potential has not been realized, nothing important and truly valuable has been done. How did it happen that he turned from a promising athlete or manager into an ordinary middle-aged man?
- Emotional instability: at this time, periods of apathy and depression are possible, which can lead to changes in mood and behavior.
- Changes in relationships: against the backdrop of a personal crisis, conflicts in the family often become more frequent. Changes in intimate relationships aggravate the crisis, and misunderstandings in relationships with loved ones increase anxiety and uncertainty about personal achievements.
- Physical changes: Natural age-related changes and emerging health challenges can create anxiety about aging and may contribute to a crisis or worsen a difficult emotional state.
- Changing interests: Men often reconsider their interests, looking for new hobbies and interests, some of which may turn out to be unusual.
Often, an established way of life causes a feeling of constraint and the feeling that real life is passing you by.
There is a need to "break free" by resorting to radical changes. All the described manifestations of the midlife crisis appear as if in a chain reaction and it is almost impossible to trace what exactly was the cause and what was the consequence.
Causes of the crisis
The factors or conditional causes that trigger a crisis of worldview at 40 years of age are as varied as the characteristics of this period.
Don't think that with the onset of another birthday you will be overwhelmed by heavy thoughts about the years you have lived. The number "40" is rather arbitrary. Some men are satisfied with their lives, successes and achieved results by this age. They are satisfied with their family life, and new challenges appear in the work sphere, so life goes on regardless of age. If there is dissatisfaction in one of the spheres, this feeling eventually spreads to other spheres of life.
"A midlife crisis in men can be caused by several reasons at once, and some of them are not at all obvious."
The following factors lead to the 40-year crisis:
- Urban Lifestyle: Modern urban lifestyle can cause stress and inability of a person to adapt to changes.
- Difficulties in the professional field: difficult periods at work, especially if they are associated with increased workload and stress.
- Stress: Constant fatigue and nervous tension can cause a crisis, especially if this condition is long-term and does not resolve.
- Hormonal changes: First of all, we are talking about decreasing testosterone levels.
- Professional failures: being fired, losing a job due to health reasons, failure of an important project or deal can cause a crisis. This also includes an unsuccessful career or a discrepancy between a person’s expectations and the result he or she has reached by midlife.
- Personal troubles: conflicts in the family or financial difficulties can also provoke a re-evaluation of life.
The midlife crisis is not standard for all men. Some people survive this period without serious problems, although this is rather an exception. The transitional moment occurs when unconscious dissatisfaction appears.
Age is also considered a conditional indicator: some people experience symptoms of the transitional period at 35, while others experience it on the threshold of their fiftieth birthday.
Symptoms of Midlife Crisis in Men
Everything that concerns personal crises is individual. Transitional stages manifest themselves in different ways and are always provoked by a different combination of several causes. Vivid symptoms are influenced by childhood experiences, psychosocial factors (activity level and social relationships), health and illness, financial security, individual values, as well as a person’s general mood and outlook on life.
“It is important to pay attention to the emotional state and behavioral changes in order to seek help from specialists in a timely manner and get through this period successfully,” the psychologist explained.
The midlife crisis is accompanied by symptoms such as a feeling of weakness and anxiety, low mood, a sense of emptiness and meaninglessness in one's own life, loss of goals and dissatisfaction related to one's material or social status, personal life or appearance.
Internal discomfort can break out in the form of rudeness, excessive irritability and harshness in communication, apathy and isolation.
Often men go to extremes and rebel against old rules that, in their opinion, limit freedom and opportunities. A mistress or leaving the family for a young woman, the one, the "real one", to catch the tail of their fading youth and once again feel bright.
"A man as a teenager"
"There is another important aspect that is often overlooked. There is a direct connection between the teenage crisis and the midlife crisis in men."
During adolescence, young people begin to ask questions about themselves, their self-worth, their goals, and the meaning of life. Inner searches and changes lay the foundation for a midlife crisis in adulthood.
Psychological factors such as reassessment of achievements, self-doubt and the search for a new meaning in life may be common to both crises. Adolescence shapes the personality and values that later become the basis for the midlife crisis. In both cases, people are faced with the need to reconsider their experiences, goals and priorities.
In adolescence, there is a separation from the influence of parents, while in midlife we see a similar situation, only the parent is replaced by the influence of society. As in the case of a teenager, an adult can lose the sense of belonging and unity with the environment in which he exists.
Emotional instability and changes in relationships will be common manifestations of the two stages. There are also many similarities in the external signs: attempts to correct the situation with drastic measures, turning life upside down, a desire for rebellion or withdrawal into oneself, excessive interest in the external image and the temptation to do something "forbidden".
How to overcome the crisis
The midlife crisis is a natural stage of mental development. Communication with loved ones, hobbies and accessible ways to diversify everyday life will help you survive this period, maintaining calm, family and work.
What to pay attention to during this period:
- communication with people you can trust and receive emotional support in return;
- acceptance of the fact of natural change;
- focusing on your strengths, professional merits and other achievements;
- finding time to pursue a hobby;
- regular physical activity;
- planning (for a day, a week, a year). Plans should be measurable and feasible without excessive demands on oneself;
- change of scenery (visiting new places, short trips out of town, mini-weekend trips).
- volunteering (will allow you to take a break from your own difficulties and feel useful);
- working with a psychologist.
However, recommendations will be useless without understanding the process itself. A protracted crisis is fraught with personal and emotional changes.
When faced with internal discomfort, it is important to reflect on life priorities, try not to panic in the face of the natural flow of time and reduce the demands on yourself.
It is important not to close yourself off to your experiences and to develop in accessible ways, preserving what you have “acquired” in the form of family, friends and your favorite business. This will help you gain stability during the period of personal transformation.
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