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I don't want to study: how parents should respond to a teenager's declining academic performance, his indifference to studies and grades
23.02.2024 09:18
Your child ignores homework, skips classes and does not show the same desire to study. You receive comments from teachers, and see only Cs and Ds in the electronic diary.
You can't get your teenager to sit down to read, and in response, he only gets angry or withdraws into himself. The rows at home escalate, you start yelling, but the situation doesn't change. You give up, but you don't understand how to help your child.
What is the reason?
A decline in academic performance and the “I don’t want to study” syndrome arise for two reasons, says Anastasia Kolpakova-Kalmykova, an expert on family education and the founder of “SOtvorchestvo”.
The first is that it is difficult for the child. The second is that it is too easy for him. It does not matter where the child studies: in a state school or a private one, with a tutor or at home schooling. First of all, it is worth figuring out what exactly the problem is.
Difficulties can be of various nature:
- The child is not concentrated and cannot drop all his activities; they are much more interesting to him than doing homework.
Parents need to conduct an analysis. The concept of “studying independently” consists of different points. It is important to find out what happens in the lesson itself and how the child is included in the educational process.
In order for a child to sit down to do homework independently, he must set aside time for it. If there is no strictly structured schedule and daily routine, when the student understands that now I can rest, and now it is time to go to sections, and in an hour I must open a book, then the learning process will bring anxiety and unwillingness to do it.
- Let's assume that the situation is different. The child sits down to do his homework on his own, but does not understand what is required of him.
Sometimes a student misses one topic, and then everything accumulates like a snowball. It all starts in elementary school and the problem of reading.
The student reads the assignment and does not delve into the essence of the question. He cannot build a logical chain and does not find a solution. Some children have difficulty reading, and also have not developed the skill of writing since the first grade. In the second and third grades, the child should already think not about how to correctly connect letters, but how to use the rules.
If a child reads poorly and comprehends what he reads, then, accordingly, it is difficult for him to structure the text and work with it. All this leads to the fact that by the 6th-8th grade, the accumulated irritation and misunderstanding are transformed into rebellion and hatred of learning.
- By this time, hormonal changes occur in the body, the psyche becomes especially susceptible, problems pile up on top of each other: declining academic performance, reproaches from teachers and parents, ridicule from classmates.
The child either accumulates irritation or becomes indifferent, often immersing himself in his virtual world. He concentrates on other problems, and studies are the last thing on his mind. An open dialogue without condemnation and attacks will help to reveal the real reason.
Perhaps there is unrequited love or bullying at school. The child has not found his place in the class and his company, he feels like an outsider, which is contrary to his specific character type. Here you cannot ignore the problem and consider it exaggerated. Contact a specialist who can talk to the child and eliminate the problem.
What parents need to do
Accept that the reluctance to study is hiding the message “it’s hard for me” and a cry for help. This problem should be addressed at home: which subjects are difficult, what is unclear, how the teacher conducts the lesson, whether additional study is needed, and only then talk to the teachers.
Often parents do not pay enough attention to lessons in elementary school, believing that this will teach the child independence and responsibility. But by the 9th grade, when the OGE begins, parents sound the alarm and press the child with demands to get involved in learning. Here it is necessary to lower the level of your expectations from your child and sincerely ask him how you can help. If the child did not have excellent grades before the 7th grade, then suddenly, unexpectedly, in high school he will not become an excellent student without outside help.
If the problem is only in certain subjects, you may need a tutor for them. He should be helpful, not an additional burden. He should help solve problems here and now. To do this, you need to study not according to the tutor's program, but according to the school program, in order to get out of the "hole" as soon as possible: come to class - solve the problem, get a positive grade. Parents thus help the child get into a situation of success.
If there is a problem with all subjects, then it is worth agreeing with the teachers that you are going to the level of a C. If a dialogue with the teacher can be established, then it is worth asking him to assign exercises and tasks of a lower (initial) level of complexity, which will prepare him for the general level of the class. There is no need to be nervous about this. Step by step, the child will gain confidence in his knowledge.
It is possible to restore interest in studying only if parents do not let things slide. Reprimands and scolding “when will you get your head together” will not help. Be open to dialogue, parents should get involved in their child’s problems. Only when you know the true reasons for the decline in academic performance and indifference to learning, you can help overcome all the difficulties on the way to good grades.
Earlier we wrote about how money and love are connected.
