How to Deal with Jealousy and Maintain a Relationship
Jealousy is a human emotion of complex nature, determined, among other things, by motivation for events, people and your own aspirations (plans).
People with an excessive sense of justice are most prone to showing jealousy, and this, as we know, is perceived very subjectively.
Hence, it is appropriate to distinguish between jealousy of a personal nature towards a partner or “close person” or jealousy towards the achievements of, say, a work colleague.
In any case, the behavior of a jealous person reminds others of a “kindergarten,” and there are not many people around you who will want to sincerely and kindly help you cope with this.
It is much more likely that by showing jealousy you yourself become a dependent person, and in addition to this you will be discussed, condemned and ridiculed - directly or “behind the scenes”.
For this reason alone, it is necessary to learn to cope with one’s own uncontrolled emotional reactions, says psychologist Andrei Kashkarov .
By continuing to treat your own emotional reactions in a relatively uncontrolled manner, you only make things worse for yourself.
So you are like an unconscious person who uses the first information (suspicions) as a guide to action, gets hung up on them, and draws further conclusions only on the initial basis.
This "anchor effect" can be changed. The flow of information must be understood and analyzed; perhaps not everything that "hooked" is a fact.
Let's take this example. When it's hot and you're sweating, it's hard to understand the risks of frostbite. You're madly in love and can't remember how you lived before.
A biased assessment of reality interferes because of the impossibility of imagining oneself in another (alternative) state and thus predicting behavior – both one’s own and that of others. Just imagine… Imagine.
Imagine that the world will not collapse if the object of your passion goes somewhere on vacation (and you, accordingly, too), imagine that he (she) has many shortcomings - both physical and character, behavioral reactions, because there are no ideal people.
Once you imagine the imperfection of the object of jealousy, your jealous ardor will cool somewhat, and you will be able to analyze more independently.
The biased perception of events and other people is facilitated by inflated expectations placed on them and belief in "justice". However, people are not perfect, the world is unfair and full of accidents, stop trying to find logic in absurd or incomprehensible events.
All of the above leads to an unobjective perception of the other person, their world, motives, plans and actions. Try to accept the other person as they are, without changing them. In jealousy, the approach “it’s her own fault” is often observed, but undesirable (that she is so irreplaceable or beautiful).
Next. To survive the first grievances due to the lack of continuous attention means to give the opportunity to be attentive to yourself.
Almost any fulfillment of a personal dream will help – from travel or long-awaited cultural events to a delicious gastronomic pleasure. That is, it is important to switch attention from the object of jealousy to yourself.
An uncontrolled consciousness attributes positive qualities to the object you have chosen, it seems to you that you bought it in a store, invested a lot of personal attitude, time and material resources in it, therefore you cannot let it go (and do not want to), just as you are not ready to refuse it.
With your mind you understand that all this (what was said) is not quite true, and you are not in a booth, and not at a fair, and feelings in general cannot be bought, just as it is impossible to order them.
Among other things, depending on your personality traits, it can be helpful to get enough sleep and be alone for a while so that the flow of impressions from learning about the world and other people distracts you from the urge to be jealous of another.
In the fight against the obsessive desire to be jealous, any distraction helps, including sewing, knitting, drawing, “puzzles” that can and should be solved with your hands, finger motor skills; this way you distract your brain from cyclical experiences of a mental nature.
By preventing and reducing the impact of obsessive jealousy at least sometimes, you improve the quality of your own life, become more independent, and therefore more attractive for possible contacts and communication.
Earlier we wrote that 5 signs will indicate that you are being manipulated in a relationship.
