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Burned Again: 5 Reasons Why You Fall in Love with the Wrong Men
10.04.2024 05:10
Is this not the first time you've made the mistake of falling in love with men who are absolutely not right for you?
It's time to analyze why this is happening.
A man's path to a woman's heart at first glance seems complicated and confusing, but psychologists say that ladies generally use the following strategies.
Someone like me
Imagine the situation: a lady meets a man who – just like her – adores detective stories, loves to ride a bike, goes out of town on weekends and can’t live without cherry dumplings. “We’re just kindred spirits!” – the thought involuntarily creeps in.
I want to believe so much that this wonderful man was sent by fate itself. Before I could look back, I was already madly in love.
But here's the paradox! It has been scientifically proven that people who are similar to us in appearance seem more attractive to us. Apparently, this phenomenon also works with character, habits, hobbies. Can a person be bad if he is so close?
However, this similarity acts as a smoke screen. We only note common features, leaving out the moments that should alert us. For example, the gentleman loves to travel, but in other cities, instead of sightseeing and museums, he wanders around bars - he relaxes.
To avoid being "swayed by similarity", you need to give yourself time to get to know the person properly. See how he behaves in different situations, note his weaknesses. Do they bother you?
Just like my parents
Our brain is designed in such a way that we perceive everything familiar and habitual as safe and reliable. Even if we are talking about openly toxic relationships.
For example, a girl grew up in a family where her father often humiliated his wife. If a woman does not work through the negative experience she received in childhood (preferably with a psychologist), then there is a high probability that she will endure abuse all her life.
To get rid of an unhealthy family relationship scenario, you first need to realize that your parents' example is far from ideal. Remember everything you didn't like about your father's behavior.
Run these situations through your head, put yourself in your mother's shoes. Now "correct" this scenario. How should your partner behave in a similar situation? What should he or she say? How should you feel? This exercise will help you understand what you really want from a relationship.
Not like me
A woman chooses this option if her usual relationships and usual life do not suit her. For example, she thinks that her life is very boring or her standard of living is far from what she wants. Then she will fall in love with bright, energetic men who have a different way of life.
A woman is looking for a holiday. However, this is not enough for a happy relationship. Or the woman herself quickly gets tired of the kaleidoscope of events and emotions. Sooner or later, this will lead to disagreements, and then to a breakup.
This happens in situations where we try to solve our problems with the help of another person. The responsibility for his life is placed on the man. The woman believes that one day the perfect prince will come to her and make her life a fairy tale. A wonderful plot! For fairy tales.
Familiar circumstances
In addition to deep psychological issues, there are specific mistakes that prevent you from breaking out of the vicious circle.
The priority is given to external factors (figure, beauty, income level). However, do not forget that you will have to live not with the latest BMW model, but with a living person and his shortcomings.
Important moments from his biography are ignored, for example: it is already known that the gentleman is twice divorced and does not pay alimony, but this does not bother you. The woman finds an excuse for him, and condemns his exes - they are bitches!
A sacred belief that a man can change, and an overestimation of one's ability to adapt. "Let his apartment look like a pigsty - he just needs a woman's hand. In time, I'll teach him to be tidy!" If you don't teach him, don't even hope to. Changing your household habits won't be easy either.
There is an understanding of what kind of partner is needed, but there is not enough flexibility. For example, a woman does not even consider candidates without a higher education. And then many smart, successful men with whom she could be happy may pass her by. Moreover, without them having that very higher education.
Painful attachment
A woman with childhood trauma instinctively seeks what is already familiar to her. She needs a man who will give her the emotions experienced in childhood: resentment, rejection, suffering. She simply will not notice good men.
You can cope with this by intentionally paying attention to other men, choosing those who are not interesting yet. Gradually, tastes will change, and the ability to see suitable people will come.
Previously, it was reported what divorced women regret.
